Flicker Pain

[21] cheer

[ dedicated to @Zyxenn for leaving such lovely comments and overall being wonderful :) ]

Weeks passed. Texts became less frequent and his replies became shorter. One day before he was due back — I found out that he was even coming. I waited on his front porch — summer dress clutched in my fingers and music distracting my ears — a soft smile on my face.

It felt like forever before a car pulled into the driveway. Conrad's mother — upon seeing me — sent me a small wave as she stepped out. Conrad, though...he was a different story entirely.

His feet hit the pebbled ground. The car door slammed to a close. His whole body seemed to move in slow motion as he walked towards me, and without even realizing it — my own body came to a standing position to meet him.

His expression was not the one of my nightmares, nor the one I'd dreamt of. It gave nothing away; not his happiness, his sadness, not any perceivable emotion in the dictionary of himself. Looking at him now, maybe it was just out of date.

I stood still, taking him in. His arms came up, wrapping around me, pulling me close. His head was just tall enough to rest on mine. He'd grown.

He'd grown in other ways, too, it seemed. The more he held me, the less warmth I felt. Even with our arms intertwined, I felt miles away from him. My heart beat wildly, and as I tightened my grip, he lowered his lips to my ear.

"Why are you here?" He whispered.

"I wanted to surprise you," For the first time in a long time, I felt uneasy. He buried his nose in my hair, exhaling harshly, before pulling away and giving me a small smile.

"Let's go."

He jumped off the porch, holding out his hand for me. And despite everything, despite his unfamiliarity, and despite the unease that continued to run through my veins —

I took it.
* * *

"Conrad, is everything alright?"

"Yeah, I'm fine." He muttered.

We had walked and walked until we reached the city. It was aimless walking and we both knew it. The purpose was not to get anywhere. But no matter how long we walked — he wouldn't tire me enough to let it go.

We came to rest on a bench in front of the road. I asked him about his trip and his family, and his answers were the same now as they were weeks ago. His enthusiasm, though, had disappeared.

I settled for just holding his hand, and he let me. His hand squeezed mine, and then it went limp in my grip — leaving me holding onto something cold and unexplained, like he himself.

I don't remember how long we sat there. I wished I knew what to feel. But his guard was up and he wouldn't give me answers, so I had to settle for just...confused.

And that confusion refused to fade.

After a little while, I murmured, "Maybe I should go home."

He didn't answer.

I stood — defeat sinking into my bones. I stuffed my hands into my pockets, and turned away from him. I took a step away, my heart feeling heavier than ever.

"No, don't go," He gently grabbed my arm.

My shoulders sagged, "Why?" I whispered.

"Just stay with me, please." He said as he pulled me back to him. When I didn't answer, he continued, "I'll take you somewhere and we can have fun, okay? I promise."

I let out a breath, "O-okay."

He kept his promise, and we saw a movie. We laughed and our troubles left us. The light I used to see so often returned to his eyes, and finally — I felt at home.

But fairy tales weren't meant to last.

* * *