Personally | Osomatsu San
TW: SUICIDE ATTEMPT, SELF HATE, DEPRESSION
Characters: Ichimatsu, (Jyushimatsu, Choromatsu and Karamatsu briefly mentioned)
Note: me probably projecting onto ichimatsu lmao
.____.
Ichimatsu hadnt always been the way he was- rude, apathetic, self loathing, sadistic (okay, maybe he had. He didnt care to remember).
He realized this when looking through a scrap book one day when he was alone, while everyone was out- it was odd, he didnt remember a time like that in forever. He realized he was a stranger with his younger self.
He also realized he could barely remember what he was like back then. Or when he changed.
But in a locked away memory, he truly remembered. He didnt want to remember.
When he looked through that scrapbook, he noticed, ironically on the 10th grade year, that there was a drastic change in his looks. He looked certainly more... Like Ichimatsu did now.
But looking through on up, Ichimatsu did notice that there was a difference before that. Tiny differences, the way his smile was thinning, though he seemingly struggled to keep one on his face. That was until, his first year of highschool.
Ichi vaguely remembered being in the hospital a lot that year. This had to be one of the pictures he had when he had gotten better. He did see the reminisce of a smile, more like a half smirk, and bags under his eyes.
But into his 11th and 12th year, his smile diminished and died, and, what do you know, he looks like himself now. He remembered as much. Struggling to hold on to a persona who wasnt him anymore was difficult.
He slammed the scrap book closed and tossed it into the closet when he heard one of his brothers approach the room.
.____.
Back in the times before that year, Ichimatsu had been nice. He was shy as shit, however. He didnt deny that.
He didnt even know how it all started. He just... Became stressed, maybe from school work.
Maybe from the bullies.
Ichi tended to work way too hard, and take everything personally. He remembered missing dinner some nights or not going to bed until late, far after his siblings.
Ichimatsu and Choromatsu studied together, but soon competativeness set in, and it was almost a fight. Ichimatsu didnt even know why he cared so much. Maybe it was because their parents praised the person who got the highest grades a lot.
And for the fourth born, he didnt get much attention. Almost the middle, but not quite. He 'shared' that position with Choromatsu.
However, since the 6 began to seperate from eachother after 6th grade, he got more than his share of attention- unwanted, however.
The others had friends, or at least eachother. Todomatsu had his friends (all girls, but he didnt seem to mind). Karamatsu had Osomatsu, who managed to gain a few friends. Jyushimatsu... He usually was around multiple friend groups, usually Todomatsu, but also around the baseball and the athletic ones.
Choromatsu had the smart friends, who they got help from eachother. Ichimatsu couldnt approach any of them on his own- he couldnt make any friends because of overwhelming anxiety and shyness. He didnt know where one stopped and the other began, or if they were just one thing.
