3 weeks later
My wrist has finally scared, but now I cut my shoulder so it can be covered easier in the summer heat. I sigh as I apply my last bits of makeup, my friend Jade, her mum is an Avon lady so she brings me makeup that her mum tries to get rid of, since Valentine's Day me and Rachel don't talk anymore.
.........One week earlier........
" why don't you just go f*****g kills yourself mate?" Rachel snapped at me while Daniel tried pulling her away, I looked at her, shock and hurt. I decided I shouldn't hang around Harry, every time he looked at me I wanted to cry, the heart broken look her would show. But Rachel of course took this personally, I looked down at my stomach, that was getting smaller and smaller by the day.
"You know what?" I cry at her, " I will" I turn away, as she yells cuss words at me, crying I run to the bathroom. Bella's brother, that I have known for years and uste to take to youth with me, sided with Rachel( he has a crush on her - Rachel and Daniel might as well break up. She likes him back- but still!) I hate them both, they have turned into my worst enemies. I pull out my small make up bag were my sharpener blades are and lift up my short sleeve, and I apply pressure than cut. Blood popes down and I quickly cover it up. Waiting until the lunch bell goes, I sit there fixing my makeup to make it look like I wasn't crying and covering up my arm where the blood rushes.
.......... Back to present..........
I sat with Jade and her friend Daisy as they talk about a party they were both invited too, I laugh at their jokes and we have a good time. The think I like most about these girls is they know. They cut as well and I feel happy and not judged around them. Bella hangs around another girl that I was close with as well. But Bella went away for two weeks and me and Beck had an argument, she wants to be with her boyfriend, John, and I want to be with these two girls. And we're both happy that way.
" anyway, little miss innocent here probably dosnt know what a cone is" Jade winked as she finished her sentence, making the word cone sounds like how you would talk to a younger child. She was right. I had no idea, I assumed it was a type of drug, I shook my head.
" it's pot" Daisy said in a matter of fact voice. I looked at her and smiled,
" you guys ever had any?" Daisy shook her head, but Jade smiled like an idiot and nodded her head.
" I should so bring some to school some time!" She said happily.
" your right you should" Daisy was eating a sandwich, this made my stomach cramp and I though to myself, no your skinny, you don't need food, then Jade pulled out her food and I kind of just sat there, looking at my brick phone and remembering the time I was asked on a date by Harry. The bell signalled the last class of the Thursday. The most boring day! All mains, but this one was English and me and Jade had that class together so we got up and said goodbye to Daisy and went to class. We are always late, so when we arrive early everyone looks at us shocked, we just sit down in our assigned seat which just happen to be pretty much next to each other, and then Jess walks in and sit behind me. She's a friend of me and Jade, lots of fun and is going out with the bad boy of the year. The teachers hate him and so do her parents but she dosnt care.
* two hours later*
My house was isolated from town and school, so every day I went home to my room that haunts me and sat on my bed, listened to music on my tiny radio and blocked out the world. Music is like my own personal cone, no matter what happens it will keep me going for another day. At least now Chloe has left me alone, every time I see her she ignores me which makes me feel really good, but it's sometimes awkward because she is friends with Jess, they are pretty much best friends. My thoughts drift to church, my friend Sally, isn't exactly what you would call a "Christian" she goes cause he uncles force her too. That and she has this hope that the man of her dreams will come back, but from what I've heard from his brother, I doubt it. But sometimes she convinces him to come to a Friday night service.
My family is huge, well only six members, and we only have a five seater car, so I get a lift every week. Which is fine because that means I can hang out with my friends more and get away from my parents who always look at me with a look that says what are you doing? And I know that I will never answer that. They don't need to know about my arm or why I only eat when they force me too. I always go with the same people to church, my leader, and when she goes away I go with someone else, Alana. She's lovely and very encouraging and to be honest, I prefer getting lifts with her. So I organised a lift with her. By the time I've done all my thinking and worrying for the day, it's 8:00 so I get up to say good night to my family, then lie back down and worry for another hour about what will happen tomorrow. What if Chloe says something about me? What if Harry approaches me? And what if Rachel isn't finished ruining me? That one scared me the most cause to be honest, killing myself seemed right, tomorrow the news spread that she and Simon ( Bella's brother) are going out. As soon as I heard, I put on my usual act of I'm perfect and everything is okay, but deep down, I hated him even more.
