Roommates

7. Chemistry

Previously...
I don't even know if he loves me back. What if he doesn't? I feel sad again at the thought of him not feeling like I do, but I push it to the back of my mind. We're not even a real couple. It doesn't matter. I go into the kitchen to make breakfast, and try my hardest to forget all the awkward events that have just happened in the space of an hour.

***

Rachel's POV
Chemistry classes at McKinley compared to my class here in college seem so easy. I'm sat at my desk filling in a paper on what mixes with what to make something else, and I find myself struggling. I feel like my mind has gone almost totally blank. I only have a couple of questions left so I try to answer them the best I can right now, and I guess that's all I can really do.
The clock reaches 3:15PM and my teacher calls out for papers to be put on the front desk. I walk up to the front of the room and do so, just as Jenna Warren, a girl in my class, does the same.
"Hey Berry," she starts talking to me. "Hope you tried your best on the test. I mean, you don't have much hope anyway but it's worth a shot." A couple of girls behind her laugh to each other and she flicks her long blonde hair in my face and walks away from me. I would love to grab that hair and yank it so hard until she cries, but I can't obviously. I hate her so much, she's a total bitch. Ever since I started in this class she's had her eye on me, and it's starting to get really annoying. It started out with her just shooting me weird looks across the room, and now its got to the point where she has started saying things to me.
I walk out of class and down the hall, making my way back to the lobby. I can see Finn waiting for me up ahead; he gets out of his Maths class at the same time as me on a Tuesday. I wave at him from the distance and he does his cute little half smile and waves back. I walk a little faster, eager to see him and have secret cuddles back in our room, when suddenly I feel my body get knocked over and I drop my bag. I look up to see Jenna again, smiling down at me. "Why are you slacking Berry? Lover boy over there is waiting for you." She laughs and walks off, leaving me in a complete wreck to pick up my books that have fallen out of my bag all around me on the floor. Finn runs over to me quickly and starts helping me. "Hey, are you okay? Did that girl shove you?"
"No, no I fell." I lie. "I'm okay." I can feel myself shaking trying not to cry from the shock of falling over and also how cruel Jenna is. I rush to gather up all the things I dropped and shove them back into my bag and quickly stand up. I notice a bunch of other people staring at me, some sniggering to their friends and others looking shocked.
I feel Finn grab my hands. "Hey, Rach you're shaking." He says. "Come on, let's get back to our room." I nod and he walks with me back to the elevator and up to our room.

*

Finn's POV
Me and Rachel get inside our room and I can't stop worrying about what I just saw. Rachel told me she fell over, but I'm almost 100% sure I saw that girl push her. Honestly, I can't remember what I saw, it seemed like it happened so fast and I immediately rushed over to help Rachel.
I see her fumbling quickly inside her bag on the kitchen counter. "Hey, what's wrong?" I ask.
"I can't find my keys. I can't find them." She's still shaking I can tell, her voice is fast and panicky. I go over to her and stand behind her, putting my hands over hers.
"Rach, it's alright. Calm down." I say softly. I feel her take a deep breath and she buries her face into her bag. "Here, let me look." She lifts up her head and passes me her bag, so I sit down at the small table and look through it. I find her keys and hold them up to her. "It's fine you haven't lost them, they're here." She gives me a small, grateful smile and takes them, not saying anything.
She starts walking off to her room. "Hey" I say, and she stops. "Did you really fall?"
Rachel turns back to look at me. "Be honest with me Rach," I continue. "Did you really fall or were you pushed?" She looks down at the floor and then back at me.
"No, but I think it was an accident." She replies. Well, at least it wasn't on purpose I guess.
"Come here" I say, patting my hand on my knee for her to come over and sit on it. She does this and places her head on my shoulder while I hold my arms around her and kiss her forehead. We stay there for a minute or so until I speak. "Do you want to snuggle up and watch a movie?" After I suggest this, she lifts her head up and smiles at me. "That would be really nice, thanks."

*

As the movie we were watching finishes, it's now 6:00. We ate a pizza together while we watched, so we don't have to worry about dinner now. I hear Rachel yawn, which makes me yawn too, and we both laugh.
"What now then?" I ask.
"I don't know," Rachel replies. "I'm sort of tired though."
"Yeah, me too."
She gets up from the sofa, and I do the same.
"Well, I'm going to put my pyjamas on now, and then I'll probably go to bed." She says.
"Okay," I reply. "Well, I'll see you in the morning." We kiss again and she bites her lip and walks off into her room. I love it when she bites her lip, it's so cute. I head into my own room and get ready to go to sleep too.

*

Rachel's POV
I can't sleep, it's like my brain won't shut up. All I'm doing in my mind is going over Jenna pushing me over and over again, trying to work out whether she actually pushed me or not, and how many people were looking at me. Oh God, I swear everyone stopped and saw me.
I need a hug, I decide.
I get out of my bed and creep over quietly to Finn's room, where I find him sleeping in his own bed. "Finn." I whisper. "Finn." He mumbles and lifts up his head.
"Rachel? What are you doing up?"
I take a deep breath. This is going to sound really weird, I think. "Can I have a cuddle? Please?"
He gets up a little more and I can just see his surprised expression in the moonlight. Then he smiles. "Yeah, sure, okay." I get under the covers and snuggle up to him. I feel safe again, so safe I feel like I can just cry freely. I don't have to worry anymore.

Finn's POV
I hold Rachel close to my chest, worrying. I wasn't expecting at all for Rachel to be sleeping with me anytime soon, so I can't help but think there must be a reason she doesn't want to be alone. I feel something wet on my arm, and again.
"Rachel, are you crying?" I hear her sniff, and come to the conclusion that yeah she is. I don't know what to say to her, so I just hold her tighter in my arms, and I feel her start to cry even more.
"F-Finn..." She cries.
"Shh, its okay. I'm here." I sound like a parent right now, but I don't care. I just want her to be okay. "You're going to be alright."
"I d-don't understand why that girl's so.. so mean to me." She says through sniffing and shaking.
"Because she's a bitch who can't get any of her own friends, for obvious reasons." I reply. After I say this I realise it doesn't really help, but Rachel laughs a little so I don't mind how stupid I sound.
She looks up at me, our lips almost touching from how close I'm cuddling her. "I don't know what I'd do without you." She smiles. I smile back, and kiss her gently. She kisses me back, and then pulls away to sniffle again. I hold out my sleeve, "here, wipe your nose on this if you want, it's just an old shirt anyway." She laughs again and shakes her head.
"Finn, I.." She starts saying something to me and then stops.
"What is it?"
She takes a deep breath. "Do you love me?"
I feel like my heart just sort of skipped a beat. I wasn't expecting that at all, I'm a bit shocked that she asked.

Rachel's POV
It's been a few seconds since I asked and Finn hasn't said anything. Shit, why did I have to go and say that? I feel myself getting panicky again because he hasn't said anything, he's just looking at me. I have to leave. Being in bed with him was a really bad idea. I'm a mess. I get up out of Finn's bed and head to my own room, trying not to start crying again in front of him. Why did I have to go and ruin everything by asking such a dumb question? You idiot, Rachel. You're an idiot.

Finn's POV
Rachel suddenly gets up out of bed and walks out of my room. I have about two seconds to gather myself together and go after her, but I can't seem to. I don't want her to leave, but I don't know what to say to her. Damn, why is our relationship so complicated? I can't bring myself to go after her, so I just lay there feeling like the complete douchebag that I am. I'm the worst person in the world, I'm practically messing her around. I don't deserve to love her anyway.

Rachel's POV
I get back into my own bed, and I just cry. I can't stop myself from crying, and it's so hard that I have to bury my face into my pillow and cover my mouth with my hand. I feel like the most stupid girl on earth. Of course he wasn't going to tell me he loves me, that's the dumbest thing I could ever expect. Why would anyone love you? You're just some clingy, insecure, annoying girl. I'm sobbing now, and I'm pretty sure it doesn't stop until I fall asleep.