Roommates

41. Distraction

Previously...
I breathe out heavily, able to talk again. "You're back?"
"Yeah. I got an early flight. Sam texted me saying you were back so I came a day before, as you can see." She smiles. "Couldn't have you sitting alone in Maths could we?"
I shake my head and smile. "I'm so glad you're here." We pull each other close and hug tightly, and the world begins to give me space again. I'm okay. Everything's going to be okay.

***

Finn's POV
"Dude, where'd Rachel go?" Sam nudges me as confused as I am. Rachel's left with Santana and it's been about 15 minutes and they haven't come back. I don't know where she's gone. What if she's in trouble?
I'm ready to get up from my seat and look for her when at that exact convenient moment they both come back in holding hands tightly, Rachel's eyes bloodshot and her nose red. She's been crying, obviously. They take their seats again after Santana whispers to the teacher and I immediately turn around to them.
"Baby?" She looks up at me and smiles. "What happened?"
Rachel shivers slightly and puts her head in her hands.
"Rachel had a panic attack." Santana tells me and Sam quietly.
"Why didn't you tap me?" I ask. I told her I was right here if she needed me.
"I couldn't. I couldn't move." She tells me sadly.
"That's why I pulled her up from her seat."
I sigh. "I'm so sorry. I knew this was bad for you."
Rachel shakes her head. "No. I needed it. It's like a wake up call. I need things to go back to normal and me get used to being in class again otherwise I'll be a nervous wreck forever."
I smile at her sympathetically and she smiles back. "I love you." I tell her.
"I love you too."

*

The rest of the lesson (although there was only around 15 minutes left to go) passes easily. There's textbook work meaning me and Sam could just turn around to the girls and talk without getting told off, which I think helped to calm Rachel down.
When it gets to 1:00 the teacher calls for us to pack our books away and hand in our work, etc. I see Natasha quickly dart out of the room, being the first one out of the door, and I'm tempted to go after her. But I don't because she's not my problem right now. She's Puck's girlfriend. And right now my own girlfriend and our baby needs me.
"You okay?" I put my arm around Rachel and kiss her forehead as we walk out of class. She nods and smiles weakly, but she still doesn't say a lot. I guess she's still in shock. I know panic attacks aren't scheduled or anything. It would be pretty weird if they were. Like having a panic-calendar. Not something to joke about, Finn. I tell myself and resume my focus back to Rachel who is leaning against me as we wait for the elevator. Then, I see Santana and Sam running up to us and although the elevator opens for us we don't get in.
"Hey, you guys want to all go out to lunch together?" Sam suggests. "Since Santana's back."
I look down at Rachel. "It's your choice, babe."
I see her bite her lip nervously and shrug.
"It's okay if you're still shaky Rach. Just curl up with Finn and watch a movie, okay? I love you." Santana kisses Rachel's cheek gently and then her and Sam walk away again, without really needing an answer to whether Rachel wants to go out or not. We step inside the elevator now and the doors close slowly.
"I'm sorry." Rachel whispers to me as we travel upwards. "I'm a mess."
I laugh. "You always tell me that, and you know what I always say, don't you?"
I see a small smile spread across Rachel's mouth and she nods. "Yeah."
I always tell her she's my mess. I tell her each time that I'm pretty sure she would know by now. Puffy morning faces and panic attacks are just part of her, and make me want to be by her side even more. Knowing I can support her and love her and she'll love me back is all I need.

We arrive inside the dorm and Rachel almost instantly just dumps her school bag on to the floor and walks off to the bedroom.
"Rachel?" I call after her but she just keeps walking. I decide to just leave her for a few minutes. I put my bag down too, and I figure that if Rachel's feeling bummed out in bed, I'll give her something to cheer her up. And no, I don't mean that. I walk over to the fridge and take out some jam and bread, and start to prepare Rachel some sort of late-lunch-breakfast thing in bed. I pour some orange juice into Rachel's favourite glass which is like a jar with a handle and a straw going through the top, and a gold star pattern around it. The toast pops out from the toaster and I spread the butter and jam onto it, and put it on a plate. I don't know if Rachel's going to be in the mood to eat, but hopefully it will cheer her up.
I carefully carry the plate of toast in one hand and her orange juice in the other and walk into the bedroom, shrugging through the closed curtain. When I look over to the bed, Rachel's laying on top of it with her face buried into a pillow. I just want to cuddle her.
"Baby?" I tap Rachel gently after I put the tray of food on the bedside table next to her. She turns her head to lay it on the side and look at me. I point to the tray, and she lifts up her head slowly.
"Finn..." Rachel smiles at me sadly and hugs me tightly. "I'm sorry. Come cuddle with me?"
I smile back at her and kiss her cheek gently, placing the tray onto her lap as she sits up and I move around to the other side of the bed and get inside. Rachel begins to eat her toast and I put my arm around her as she eats.
"You're gonna be okay you know." I tell her. "This'll all blow over."
She nods. "I guess so, it's annoying right now though. Everything's so scary."
I kiss her forehead. "I know baby. But you don't have to be scared, you've got me. I'll protect you."
She shakes her head and laughs slightly. "I know, but last time you told me that I got into a car crash." Then Rachel quickly looks up at me as I lift my arm gently away from her and look down. "Oh no, Finn. I'm sorry, I didn't mean it."
"You're right though." I say, and Rachel takes another bite of her toast slowly and guiltily.
"I'm not. It's mine and Natasha's fault, not yours. I-I don't know what i was thinking when I said it."
"It's okay. Probably just pregnancy stuff." I shrug. Deep down, though, Rachel is right. I should have fought harder to talk to her after our fight, but I just let her go. Maybe if I'd have done more she wouldn't have fought so hard with Natasha.