Roommates

64. You Can't Always Get What You Want

Previously...
I either have to move in with Finn, or move in with Rachel.
And I don't know which one would make her more mad at me.

"Finn?" I nudge him, "I have an idea."

**

Rachel's POV
Sitting in Maths is so horribly awkward. Finn is right behind me, and I can feel his eyes locked onto my back.
Santana's mumbling something to me, but I can't hear a thing.

"Rachel?" She bumps into me, hard. "Are you even listening?"

I sigh. "No, not really."
"Quit acting so sorry for yourself. The world hasn't ended yet."

"Okay." I know he's listening. I think my world has ended, at least.

I haven't decided whether I want to move dorms yet. I don't know if I could deal with knowing Natasha and Finn are sharing together.

"Okay, I want you to turn around and work with the other pair you're closest to." My teacher assigns us, which jumps me out of my daydream. Well, now I have to turn around to look back at him.

Santana immediately turns and starts talking with Sam, going through the maths workbook we have with all the questions. I turn around reluctantly, and try to avoid eye contact with Finn.

One minute I don't mind being around him, and the next I can't handle it. I feel so horrible.

He was the love of my life. He is the love of my life.
I'm the only reason we can't be together. Me and my stupid mind connecting him and the baby.

"So, do you know how to do this?" Finn asks me. I do try to answer him, but I just open my mouth and nothing comes out. The lump in my throat is too big.

"You take that part from that, and these three cancel each other," Santana steps in, pointing on the page what Finn has to follow, "so you get that it's less than 30."

"Thanks." Finn sighs.

I wish I wasn't like this. I really do.

I never meant to break his heart.

*

I walk out of Maths class without waiting for Santana when we're dismissed. I just want to get out. I don't go back to either Santana's or Finn's dorms; I go into the coffee place.

"Hi," I sigh heavily to the barista, "can I get a large hot chocolate with whipped cream and marshmallows?"

"Bad morning?" He smiles at me.

"You could say that."

"I'll give you chocolate sprinkles too." He puts in the order, clicks it and the receipt comes out.

"How much is it?" I fumble in my bag for my money, but out of the corner of my eye I see him shake his head.

"Nothing. You're Rachel Berry, right?" I'm thankful, but then I realise how he knows my name. Oh, a pity drink.

"You know my whole pathetic story, then." I sigh.

"It's not pathetic," he smiles, leaning closer to me for people around us not to hear. "My mom had a miscarriage when I was ten."