Tension Like This

Chapter Seventeen

Chapter Seventeen

*Niall's POV*

I'm finally on my way back home, back to the boys and the band. I'm on the plane, and I am a total wreck. I swear my nerves are completely shot. I don't know how this is going to work. I don't know what I should say to any of them.

The only one of the guys I've talked to since I left has been Zayn. I called him last night, and he said that Liam and Harry are friends again, which is hopefully a good thing. If all else fails I guess that I can leave the band... even the thought of having to leave makes me choke up a little bit. But if that is the only way to save the band then that's what I'm going to do. I refuse to ruin the other boys' lives just because my feelings are completely messed up.

I know now that I have feelings for Harry that won't just go away. I dreamt him almost every night for the last week and a half, and I can't stop thinking about him. I just can't help but to remember the hopeful look he had in his eyes when he tried to stop me at the airport. What if he hates me now? What if I missed my chance to ever have any kind of relationship with him, friendship or more than friends.

I need to talk to Harry as soon as I possibly can. I need to explain to him that I definitely have feelings for him, and more than just an innocent crush. I want him, I might even need him. I want to wake up to him in the morning, and fall asleep to him at night. I don't know what I will do if he doesn't return my feelings. I know that I can't turn to Liam again, I've already used him more than he ever deserved, more than anyone deserves. I've played with Liam's feelings enough. I'll just have to learn to deal with the jealousy and the heartbreak that comes with being in love with Harry Styles. I can't expect him to take my feelings into consideration when it comes to what he does.

At first I blamed him for all of our problems. He was the one who pulled away when we kissed, he's the one that ran away both times, he's the one who left me at the park that day. But I wasn't completely innocent either. I realize that now.

I should of admitted my feelings sooner. When he first came and talked to me the day after the incident at the bar, when he came to 'apologize', I should've told him how I felt. I should of explained to him that I was confused. Instead I hid the fact that I was starting to fall for one of my best friends. I shouldn't of started dating Liam when I knew that I had developed feelings for Harry. When Harry first brought Joey back to the house I shouldn't of tried to jump Liam. That definitely didn't solve anything.

I regret the way that I've handled the situation, so much. I wish I could go back in time, maybe to the day at the park, I could've held on to Harry, make him realize that wanting to kiss me wasn't anything to be ashamed of. Maybe right now we would be on our way back from visiting my family together. I could've been introducing him to my family for the first time as my boyfriend. Even the words 'boyfriend' and 'Harry' in the same sentence send chills down my spine in the most breathtaking way.

I'm going to fix this. And I'm going to fight for the love that I know Harry and I could share one day, if we both tried.

All I need to do is talk to him.

*Harry's POV*

Niall's been gone for almost two weeks. At first I was really mad at him for going, he just left without facing any of his problems, but now I understand that it was probably for the best. Liam and I are on good terms again, we can talk and joke around just like we used too. Actually we might be even closer than we were. I feel as if we trust each other more now. If Niall had stayed we might of not of been able to do that. The tension between us would've been too high.

I know that Liam isn't over Niall, I know that he is trying to put aside his feelings for him, but he DOES still have feelings for him. I can tell by the way his laughs get strained anytime somebody makes a joke about Niall, and by the way anytime someone brings Niall up, even just in passing, he hangs onto every word.

Liam gave me permission to try to have a relationship with Niall, but I'm scared that he won't actually be okay with it. I'm pretty sure he will act like he's fine with it. He'll smile if he sees us being couple-ey. He would laugh with one of the other lads if they made a sexual joke about us. But I'm worried about how he'll act when he's alone. I'm worried about him. I love Liam like a brother, I don't want to see him hurt.

I don't even know why I'm worrying about all if this. Chances are Niall will come back and love us both in a completely platonic way. Why would he want a relationship with someone that was such an inconsiderate asshole?

I know I wouldn't.

"Harry!?" Zayn's voice carried up the stairs and into my room, where I had been acting like a recluse for the last day and a half.

I walked to the door and opened it, leaning against the frame as I answered him, "Yeah? What's going on?"

"Harry, Niall just texted me. His plane is going to land in about a half and hour. Should I go and pick him up, or do you want to?"

My breath hitched as I realized that this was my chance to talk to Niall. I hurriedly slipped on some shoes and raced down stairs, barreling past a smirking Zayn.

A half an hour.

A half an hour and I would be able to see him. Talk to him. Possibly even touch him.

~End of Chapter Seventeen~