Tension Like This

Chapter Thirty

Chapter Thirty

*Joey's POV*

(Still 18 months ago. Sort of a continuation of last chapter, so go reread the end of that if you don't remember)

It took me hours to wiggle out of Lucas's grasp. I didn't sleep at all last night; I just sat in his arms, trying to come to terms with what had happened. How could my sweet, loving boyfriend do this? He's not even a violent person, or at least he never has been around me. If somebody would of told me two days ago that this was going to happen I probably would've asked them what they were smoking.

After thinking about it all night, I've decided to start packing my bags. I tiptoe around the house, trying to keep quiet, but with the amount that Lucas drank last night he should probably be good for awhile. I'm only gathering the necessities: clothes, pictures of my family, and other things like that. 

I don't know where I'm going to go, most of my close friends live in my hometown back in the states. I have people I know from work, people that I would call friends, but no one that I could trust to take me in.

I'm zipping up the last of my stuff when it hits me. 

I feel dirty. Used. What did I do to deserve this? Is it my fault?

Is it bad that I still love him? Will anyone else ever love me after what happened?

All these plus a million other thoughts are all rushing through my head, and I just feel overwhelmed. I start to bawl, I just cry and cry and continue to cry. I cry until my eyes are practically swollen shut and I start to get a headache.

My pathetic whimpers finally stop, but I don't feel any better. I pick up my bags slowly, and I'm just about to step from inside when I hear one of the most heart wrenching sounds ever.

"Joeyyyyyy" I can hear Lucas yell from the other end of the house.

I'm leaving.

"Joey I'm so sorry!" His pitiful attempt at yelling is sad. 

My heart is literally in two pieces. I can feel it breaking. No, not breaking, breaking sounds like there are still pieces that are at least somewhat intact.

Shattered. My heart is completely shattered. 

But I'm still leaving. 

"Joey don't leave!" I'm leaving. "Joey I still love you!" I'm leaving. "Joeyyyyyy" His voice broke as he said my name, going off into a wail, the sound you hear when someone has lost a child or a best friend. 

I'm still leaving, I'm just going to check on him first. I'm going to make sure he's all right. No matter what kind of mistakes he made yesterday, he still is a generally good person. If he hurts himself over this, and I could of done something to stop it, I would never forgive myself. 

I find myself at our (No. Now it's just his.) bedroom. Lucas is curled up on the bed with his face towards the mattress. His head is being held in his hands and he's quietly sobbing. He's moaning "I'm so sorry." softly into his pillow every few seconds. 

I slowly walk up to the bed and place my hand on Lucas's shoulder. As soon as my hand touches him he looks up immediately. "Joey! Joey you're still here!" He quickly is up out of the fetal position and is hugging me tightly. As soon as his arms tighten around me I stiffen up and start backing away. "God Joey I'm so sorry!"

"Why?" 

"I wasn't myself last night! I'll never-ever-"

"What made you do it?"