The Long Run {c.g.}

How You Had Your First Fight

Hey! I said wake up! 

It was stupid, you know it was. It was stupid, but it was enough to pull you two part, if only slightly. 

You had grown frustrated at Carl for all of his negativity. While you tried to convince him otherwise, he only saw the people of Alexandria as pesky weaklings that got in the way of his majesty. You grew tired of the way he sized up the other boys in the community and possessively kept you away from their innocent eyes. 

You wanted to give that place a real shot, but all Carl could see was the way things were, the so called 'life' your group had outside of the walls. He was so set in his ways and you tried to convince him that your lives were different from what you were used to, but he was not so easily persuaded.

Maybe that's why he gravitated toward her. 

She was always like him, always wanted to go outside the walls and be out there. Carl didn't know that you knew he followed her out there. You tried your very best not to think of the possibilities, but your worrisome mind betrayed you every time he disappeared over the wall. 

It was better before her, but you can't pin all the blame on that poor girl. When she came into his life, you both realized you were more different than you thought. That didn't change the fact though, the fact that you and Carl still loved each other. You did, you really did love him, but it still wasn't enough. 

I think the true turning point was the day he didn't come home when he usually did. He was out there with her longer than usual, and you grew terribly worried. Your mind swam in thoughts of Carl in danger, so, against your better judgement, you decided to hop the wall. 

It took you a while, but you finally found Carl, only he was tucked inside of a dead tree. The girl you tried so hard to be friends with was mere inches away from him, her hand gently touching his. 

You stood for a second, completely shocked and hurt, before turning around and sadly dragging your feet back toward the safe zone. As you walked back to the place you called home, a thought crossed your mind. 

A test, a trap, one last chance for the boy with the blue eyes. If he truly loved you like he claimed he did, he would tell you about what happened between them that day. 

Only, he didn't. 

That night, while you two were snuggling close together in bed, an unsettling feeling planted itself in your stomach. 

"Carl?" You started. His shirtless chest vibrated from under you as he grunted sleepily. 

"How was your day?" You asked the question you had been asking him every night for two years. 

"It was ok." He mumbled. 

You knew you had to ask him immediately since that sleepy lull in his voice told you he would be gone soon, and Carl was never a light sleeper. You took a deep breath and closed your eyes. 

"I know you go out into the woods." You said. 

His chest stopped moving for a second, and you felt his eyes burn holes into the back of your scalp. You lifted your head to meet his eyes. 

"With her." You said slowly, a little twinge of pain flaring up in your chest as you said the words out loud.

"I don't know what you are talking about. Come on, let's just go to sleep." He said while squeezing you to his chest a little too hard. You were angry that he dismissed your pain so quickly, and you were quick to let him know. 

"Carl, I saw you today." You mumbled from under his chin. 

He sighed and sat you both up right. He seemed at a loss of words and hid his face momentarily by rubbing his eyes. His silence only confirmed your suspicions. 

"Do you like her?" You asked, your voice sounding weaker than you had hoped. 

"No, why would you think that?" He asked. 

"It's ok if you do." You said in a much too small tone. You bowed your head in shame and embarrassment. 

"I said I didn't, fuck!" He exploded, "Why don't you trust me?" 

"Because you disappear almost everyday! You leave me alone for hours! Do you know what that's like to be alone while your boyfriend is away, with someone else? It fucking sucks, Carl." You spat in his face. 

He growled and covered his face with his hands again, trying to remain calm. You knew he could get pretty cruel when he was angry, but you didn't care. You kept your harsh gaze set on him until he finally looked at you again, and when he did, he rolled his eyes and layed down on his side, facing away from you. 

"This is stupid. Good night." He said. 

Your heart sank in your chest and a deep frown pulled at the corners of your lips. You didn't feel like being around Carl then, especially since he was in one of his moods. 

"I think I will go sleep in Michonne's room tonight." You said quietly, the anger you felt for Carl a few seconds ago having fled the moment he turned away from you. He glanced at you over his shoulder momentarily, only to turn around again and squeeze his eyes shut. 

"Ok." He said. 

And that was the wrong response. 

Even I knew he wasn't supposed to say that. 

He was supposed to not let you leave that room, to reestablish that you were his and he was yours by pulling you to his lap and singing you to sleep like he did on the nights when you were scared of living any longer.

You walked out of your room slowly, giving Carl every possible chance to apologize and pull you between the sheets to prove how much he loved you, but he let you leave. 

Granted, you should have noticed the way his face was screwed up in pain when you left, the way he almost barged into Michonne's room to scoop you up and bring you back to him, the way he cried himself to sleep that night. You should have seen it.

But since you didn't, you spent that night by Michonne's side instead of Carl's. 

The next day he apologized and you both let out a little relieved breath when you spent that night wrapped in familiar arms, engulfed in that scent that you loved so much. Like I said, that fight was just a little one, it was just the starting line for many more sleepless nights and empty beds.