Misalignment | ✔

reveal

Silence soon takes hold
of the hall
as Matty and I
meet eyes
across the empty space
where Seth once was.
It's like an
ocean
separates us,
the weeks apart
all coming together into
this uncrossable void -
and I can't bear it.
Though I know
I shouldn't
trust Matty again
after what she's done,
I can't help but
hope
and wish
that things will
somehow go
back to the way they were
before.

"Thanks for that,"
I mutter gruffly
as she starts forward,
trying to cross
where there is no bridge.
Or at least,
I can't see one.
"You can go back
to ignoring me now,
if you want."
The sudden pain
in my heart
that the statement brings
confirms that I
don't actually
want her to leave
again -
but it's not
my choice
to make,
now is it?

But Matty only
shakes her head.
There are tears
in her eyes,
and I somehow wish
I could take them away.
"I'm done with that,"
she tells me.
"I can't do it
any more.
I can't pretend
that hurting you
is the way to keep
from being hurt
myself."

"More 'can't's,"
I reply.
"Took you long enough
to realize that."
But I can't keep
the relief from
my voice -
and she mirrors it
with a tired grin,
one that is
much happier than
what I had seen from her
in more recent times.
The hug she envelops me in
almost makes up
for how she'd
treated me.
Almost.

"I have more,"
she tells me,
her brow furrowing.
"I can't understand
why Seth would
pick on you,
for example,
even if it was just
to get to me..."

"Did you
date him?"
I ask suddenly -
and we're both surprised
by the question.
I hadn't meant
to ask about
the idea that I'd
been pondering for most of
their earlier argument,
but out it had come.

"Yes..."
she answers
after a moment,
almost reluctantly.
"Last year.
It...wasn't good."
The pain on her face
as she speaks of it
is obvious -
but this time,
I don't pry
by my own choice.
Even if she's
kept a lot
from me lately,
this is one thing
I won't force from her.
I don't even think I
would want to know
what exactly it was
that he'd done to her
that she'd just
blackmailed him with.

"But it just
doesn't
add up,"
she continues
after a moment.
"He hates me,
sure,
but he wouldn't-"

"It was
because
of me,"
I blurt out again -
I've lost my censor today,
evidently -
and she's once again
startled
into silence.

"You?"
she finally manages,
bewildered.
"But...
How?
Why?
You haven't done
anything to
deserve that."

But does it
really matter
whether or not I
am at fault?
By my very nature,
I have reason to be
hated
by everyone.
By my very nature,
I am shut out
and criticized
without a second thought.
"He hates me,
too,"
I say,
"and he has
every reason to."

I can see
the confusion
and disagreement
blooming on Matty's face -
she doesn't know
what had transpired
between Seth and I
while she had taken
her leave of absence
from my life.
The realization
both relieves
and upsets me.
She didn't
avoid me
because she hates me
for who I am.

But she still
wasn't there
when I wished she
would have been.
I'm sick of lying
to her,
and sick of being
lied to,
but trusting her
after all this
is a hard thing
to do.

But she seems
to read my expression
better than any book;
her features soften
subtly
as she asks,
"Cam,
what's wrong?
What happened?"

Everything,
I want to tell her -
but sugarcoating things
won't help the situation
at all.
Vague explanations
won't serve my purpose
here.
Insecurity and
nervousness
builds in my chest -
but before it can
choke me off
into silence,
my mouth opens,
and the words that
I've wanted to say
since that day
she rescued me from
gym class
spill out
of their own accord.

"I'm
agender,"
I tell her
startled visage,
blinking against the
nervous tears
gathering in my eyes.
"And I don't know
about you,
but not many people
seem to like the
idea of that
so much."

×

WHOOPS, THERE IT ISSSSS--

For those of you who don't know, I work at a Starbucks. Yesterday, there was a customer named Cam, and today there was one named Marianne... Is this an omen of what's to come?!?! If there's a Matilda or a Florence tomorrow (or any other characters in this story that haven't yet been named), I might just scream and jump over the counter and hug them. That's not weird at all, right?

Well, if there's a Seth, I'll make sure to punch him right in the jaw. c:

If you guys liked this chapter, I would love if you would vote and leave me some feedback below! It would be much appreciated!

We're getting into some more explanations here in the coming chapters, so expect a few more answers than what I've given y'all before, lol. Well, as much as Matty wants to give, I suppose.