𝐇𝐀𝐔𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐃 | itachi uchiha

t w e l v e

March 23rd.

why do i care so much? it's been years since itachi and i split, yet i'm still here licking my wounds. who am i to complain? i'm the one who broke things off, i'm the one who wanted itachi to be free. he rebounded greatly, and look at where he's at! i should be happy for him! so why, why, why do i feel so tormented? why do i feel betrayed? was there some part of me that wished that itachi still loved me, loved me enough to come back to me? why was i so stupid to even allow that part of myself to believe such bullshit? i should be fucking honoured i was even considered for the guest list, considering how sour he was when i broke shit up with him. it was probably yuki's doing. speaking of yuki, i'm not even jealous of her. well, i am, but i'm glad that at least itachi's with someone who genuinely cares for him as much as he cares for her. i feel like ranting so much, but i'm not a fucking writer- i'm starting to get cramps in my hand, shit. i'm going to finish the rest of my rant on my laptop. i have enough rage to write a 3,000 word essay.

The entries from March 23rd to April 18th were all blank, indicating to Itachi that [Name], true to her word, had stored everything in her laptop, which he since had no idea of its whereabouts.

April 18th the wedding's in two days, and i've already picked out my outfit.

She's too calm. What happened in the last three weeks? thought Itachi to himself as he anxiously thumbed the remaining pages of [Name]'s journal. Then finally, the date he was looking for.

April 20th.

Yuki was so beautiful today. Itachi looked so happy. I'm happy for the both of them. I hope they have a long and happy marriage. God knows they deserve that with what's coming up. Tomorrow, I've got to start tidying up. My whole life has been a mess for way too long now- I have to do something about it. So I'll start with my place. Lol. Big week coming up ahead! Out with the old!

Itachi read her entry in confusion. In three years, he had witnessed [Name] go from a suicidal, depressed wreck, to a serene, almost placid supporter of his marriage, yet with no smooth transition. He felt that in the three weeks leading up to his wedding, where [Name] had recorded her entries onto her laptop, or not recorded anything at all, he had missed a vital piece of her story.

His heart raced as he began approaching the next seven days.

April 21st okay so all i did today was clean the living room and then spent the rest of it lounging around the house hahaha. i think i'll leave my room for last lol

April 22nd tackled the bathroom and toilet today, oh my god. i did a pretty good job, if i do say so myself! #cleaneroftheyear

April 23rd i tried to go through my things and throw away stuff i don't need, but i just couldn't be bothered. so today was just another chill day, except this time, i chose my outfit for my walk on sunday.

April 24th today was a good day! I managed to clean up the kitchen area, emptied out every cupboard and wiped everything down! gave the floors and sink a good scrub as well, and threw out all the food i had in the fridge and pantry. tbh, this was the hardest part of the apartment. that fucking oven was a real pain in the ass. at least now, i can just relax tomorrow.

April 25th Reflecting on my life up until this moment, I can honestly say that it has not been what I always dreamed it would be. I grew up, hoping to find my prince, my knight in shining armour, so that we could live together forever, happily married and happily sheltered in the confines of the great, magnificent palace we would have. I didn't expect my life to be thrown out of whack so badly by just one guy- but I'm not blaming him. He was perfect. His eyes were as dark as the midnight sky, two obsidian orbs that pierced my soul whenever he looked at me. His skin was so soft and light to the touch, sometimes I questioned whether I was touching an angel. His hair was so smooth, so silky and so gorgeous, that even I envied it sometimes. There was a point in our relationship where his hair was longer than mine, until he got a haircut sometime later hahaha. He was absolutely gorgeous. Stunning. And he was so kind, so caring, so generous- but all of it was wasted on me. I knew, he was only with me because he pitied me. And I knew, that I wasn't the one for him. He was perfect, and I loved him- but we just didn't click. We didn't have that connection. We tried, yes, and in his eyes, we kind of succeeded. But I know fully well that we didn't. We just weren't meant to be, and we both knew that. So I made things easier for him. I made the split for us, but I didn't know it would hurt me this bad! My life took a turn for the worse, and I'm so angry at myself for letting it get so badly! I've decided that just for today, I'll be free of my medication. I don't want to be sluggish tomorrow. I want today to be as normal as possible, the kind of normal that I haven't been able to achieve for myself in years. I'm disappointed in myself, really- I would never have thought of myself to be so vulnerable to such things. But there's no point crying over spilt milk- all roads lead to Rome. And, well... I'm almost there. Rome, your girl [Name]'s coming for ya!

But really. I am so, so happy for Itachi that it makes me cry. I'm even crying right now, omg. And I realise, that he wasn't the reason for all my problems.

I was.

I love him. I always have, and I always will. I equally love Yuki, because she makes Itachi smile in a way I've never seen anyone else achieve. She makes him happy, and I honestly love her for that. She's a beautiful woman, the perfect fit for Itachi. She'll make a wonderful addition to the Uchiha family.

As for my family and friends, what else is there to say? My homegirl Hanako, with her wit and humour. I love her so much to bits, she makes my decision so much harder to make. Naruto, too; Sasuke and Shisui. My squad. My day ones. They were there for me when I first started dating Itachi, and they've turned out to be the best friends ever.

My mum and dad. Words can't explain how much I love them. From raising me to providing me with my own things- helping me pay for my own apartment! Bless them :'( And for spending all that money on my university education which has gone to waste. I'm so sorry, guys, I honestly didn't think I'd end up here.

There are probably a lot of people I want to write about, but like I said before, I'm not a writer; I'm surprised I even made it this far, haha!

I'm so grateful for everything that has ever happened in my life, up until now.

By now, Itachi was back in his car, sitting with the diary in his lap as his head was bowed, reading [Name]'s last entry.

April 26th 

Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated. - Confucius.

Itachi drove off.

Where to, he had no idea.

All he knew was that he was feeling a mixture of emotions bubbling up from within as he took to the busy streets, vision blurred and ears ringing as he swerved left and right, not knowing where to go, not knowing where he was.

Horns honked as he almost clipped other vehicles, but Itachi didn't care. With the diary sitting on the seat next to him, the Uchiha felt an overwhelming rush of guilt, shame, remorse- every negative feeling one could possibly hold at a time.

He felt like an idiot.

There was truth in [Name]'s words- yes, he had only stayed with her because he felt bad about leaving her, but he honestly did love her. Her breaking off things made him mad, made him feel like he had wasted his time on her, on their relationship. He had never thought that their split could have inflicted so much pain on the woman, could have driven her to such lengths.

The Uchiha grit his teeth in agony as tears stung at his eyes, then began rolling down his cheeks in torrents.

Before he knew it, he was sobbing loudly.

Sobbing out of misery. Sobbing out of hate. Sobbing out of love.

But mostly, he was sobbing because he missed [Name]. Well and truly.

It was at this point that he just gave up. He just let go of the wheel, and the last thing he saw were the headlights of an oncoming truck.