Funny Stories

These are some stories I liked that have been sent to me!

At the mall, my five-year-old grandson joined the other children in line waiting to sit on the Easter Bunny's lap. When it was his turn, Jake didn't move; he just stared.

"Don't you want to sit on the 
bunny's lap?" I asked.

"No!" he shouted. "There's 
a man in his mouth!"

C. S., via mail

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The black lacquer stand 
holding his prized samurai swords was dusty, so my husband left our cleaning lady a note, reading, "Check out my swords." That evening, he found the stand just as dirty as 
before but with this appended to 
his note: "Nice swords."

Eleonore Bode-Lemming, Salem, Oregon

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While hosting a garage sale, 
I asked a man if he was looking for anything in particular. "Yes," he said. "Place mats the color of grape jelly."

H. T. Gibbons, Santa Fe, New Mexico

As the hostess at the casino 
buffet showed me to my table, I asked her to keep an eye out for my 
husband, who would be joining me 
momentarily. I started to describe him: "He has gray hair, wears glasses, has a potbelly ..."

She stopped me there. "Honey," she said, "today is senior day. They all look like that."

Rosalie Daria, Cincinnati, Ohio

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We were inspecting several lots of grenades. While everyone was concentrating on the task at hand, I held up a spare pin and asked, "Has anyone seen my grenade?"

SMSgt. Dan Powell, from rallypoint.com

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The military has a long, proud tradition of pranking recruits. Here are some favorites from rallypoint.com:

• Instructed a private in the mess hall to look for left-handed spatulas

• Sent a recruit to medical-supplies office in search of fallopian tubes

• Had a new guy conduct a 
"boom test" on a howitzer by yelling "Boom!" down the tube in order to "calibrate" it

• Ordered a private to bring back 
a five-gallon can of dehydrated water (in fact, the sergeant just wanted an empty water can)

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I've been working on my PhD 
in engineering for the past five years, but my kids don't necessarily see that as work.
As we were driving past Walmart one day, my son spotted a Now Hiring sign and suggested that I could get 
a job there.

Hoping to make a point, I asked, "Do you think they're looking for an engineer?"

"Oh, sure," he said. "They'll hire anybody."

Christopher Fields, Fort Collins, Colorado

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An insurance agent called 
our medical office. One of our 
doctors had filled out a medically necessary leave-of-absence form 
for a patient, but, the agent said, the 
patient had altered it. The giveaway? 
The return-to-work date had been changed to February 30.

J. L., via e-mail

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I supervised an employee who had a negative view of everything 
I did. If I took a vacation day, I was "never there." If I praised someone's work, it was "too little, too late."

He eventually took another job 
but was fired six months later. Shortly thereafter, he contacted 
me, hoping to return to his old job.

"Have you learned anything from this experience?" I asked.

"Yes, I should have stayed here," 
he admitted. "You're too indecisive to have ever fired me."

Terry O'Connor, Chantilly, Virginia

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I guess this is what happens after you've worked at the same place for a while. I was eating at a fast-food restaurant when an employee began his shift by walking into the kitchen area and calling out, "Honey, I'm home!"

G. M., via e-mail

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My sister-in-law was teaching Sunday school class. The topic for the day: Easter Sunday and the 
resurrection of Christ.

"What did Jesus do on this day?" she asked. There was no response, 
so she gave her students a hint: 
"It starts with the letter R."

One boy blurted, "Recycle!"

Mari-Lynn Finley, Los Angeles, California

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Just before the final exam in 
my college finance class, a less-than-stellar student approached me.

"Can you tell me what grade 
I would need to get on the exam 
to pass the course?" he asked.

I gave him the bad news. "The exam is worth 100 points. You would need 113 points to earn a D."

"OK," he said. "And how many points would I need to get a C?"

Aimee Prawitz, Sycamore, Illinois

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