That Summer || Nate Ruess

it's like drowning (so why am i alive?)

hiiii guys.

i've recently gotten back onto wattpad. i didn't even know this story had comments!! omg. 

anyways, I highly enchorage you to keep leaving comments because seriously, I love them <3 <3

Warning: so like... this story is kinda about depression. in case you didn't pick up on that. but yeah. 

Rory's POV

I was very warm and snuggly feeling. And my head hurt like hell. Win/lose situation here.

But, it had one clear goal: don't get up.

I mean, I was usually a morning person, but not when my head hurt like this. Oh hell no. I wondered why I was so warm and snuggly. Had I, like, wrapped blankets around me or something? But, blankets weren't usually firm and skin-like.

And blankets didn't breath.

My eyes shot open and holy fucking shit, that's not what I was expecting. Here I was, all curled up with Nate. Not Nattie (sadly) but Nate. Nate Ruess. Le Ass. Roommate.

Fuck my life.

Dude, whatever happened last night must've been pretty cray. Little snippets started coming back and I would've groaned 'cept I didn't want to open my mouth. Max and Alex... me, crying! I never cried in front of people, no, that was for when I was alone. Nate finding my precious babies. Shit. Shit shit shit. Those were the one thing he wasn't supposed to find. Not those! I loved those albums; I kept them close to me at all times. No no no no no no.

I started chanting 'Be Calm' inside my head to calm me down. That always worked when I couldn't control my feelings. Good, okay, I'm fine. I'm all smooth and cool. I would tell him that it was Ellie's. Yeah, that should work.

Man, Nate looked really cute when he slept. Seriously. People can't judge me for loving that, it's adorable.

I closed my eyes again and nuzzled back down. I would sleep for as long as I could. I'd earned it, after the whole school year of awkward glances and cold silences and horrid, back stabbing best friends. I deserved this.

I wasn't sure how much longer I slept, but when I woke up my headache was all but gone and the light angle from outside was different. Nate was still asleep, which surprised me because it wasn't like he was the one who had a hangover. He just stayed up till three am. Pssh, been there, done that.

I slowly distangled myself from him and stood up, heading to the door. Whoa, why was I wearing one of Nate's shirts? Because I forgot my pajamas, I remembered. Well, okay. At least we hadn't had sex (I think).

I carefully opened my drawer and took out my clothes for the day, which consisted of dark red jeans, a black tank top and since it was chilly this morning, I grabbed my black hoodie. After I showered, I headed into the kitchen, checking the time on the stove. It was almost four o'clock. Weird, man. Twelve hours of sleep.

I started making coffee and took out the stuff to make eggs and french toast and got to making breakfast. It was all almost done when I heard someone cough behind me.

I spun around; Nate was leaning against the counter, eyebrow raised. For some reason, I blushed.

"Morning," he grinned cockily.

"Afternoon," I corrected. I was not gonna deal with his shit.

He nodded. "Are you, um, making breakfast?"

"No, Nate, I'm just randomly standing in front of the stove cooking bacon because I'm bored."

I could almost hear him roll his eyes. "Ha. Ha."

I ignored him, hoping to god that for once in his life he would be cool and not discuss last night.

Lol, who am I kidding, Nate couldn't be cool if his life depended on it.

"So about last night," he began, edging his way around the counter. I shot him a look that clearly said, 'shut the fuck up and forget about it.' He gave me one that said, 'yeah right. Like I would do that.'

Dammit, when did I become fluent in Ruess's expressions?

"I don't want to talk about it," I replied brusquely.

He paused. "Okay."

My eyes nearly popped out of my head. He agreed? Was the world ending?

"But..."

Should've known.

"But what?"

"Is this what your parents were talking about, when you said you had issues?"

I shot him a ferocious look. "My parents know absolutely nothing. They can just fuck off."

His eyes widened. News flash: not everyone's parents are as perfect as yours, Nate.

"Whoa, okay. Just wondering."

Yeah, well, I was wondering why he was being so damn... nice.

"Because I know what you're going through," he said quietly. Fuck. I said it out loud.

I turned off the pan and waited for him to speak.

"I don't know if you knew this," he began. "But I was... I used to be depressed."

"Obviously," I spoke. "Every one in five people in America is depressed, so one of the guys in the band was bound to be."

I turned to face him, waiting for his reply. He smiled wanly.

"You're right; I'm nothing special. But those studies are done by people who never were depressed. They say it's common, that it's not a big deal, and they're right, but they have no idea."

I didn't answer. He moved a bit closer.

"I think you do, though. They have no idea what it's like, being depressed. They can say it's not a big deal, that you aren't special, and that doesn't help. People who are depressed convince themselves it doesn't matter, and act normal enough that they convince themselves they are fine when they aren't."

I froze, not moving as he inched closer. He wasn't trying to say...

"I know what it's like, Rory. I used to be you. I used to stay out drinking every night to forget everything. I had a feeling there was something wrong with me, but I didn't stop to figure it out." He placed his hand on my arm.

Eyes wide, I looked at him.

"Rory, tell me what you're feeling."

NATE'S POV

She looked scared. Which was strange, because she wasn't supposed to be scared. It was like seeing your mom cry, or something. Rory didn't get scared. But she was. Here, standing in the kitchen, green eyes wide like a cornered animal. All because I asked her what she was feeling.

"I..." her voice was hoarse. "I don't know."

I stared at her. "You don't know?"

She shrugged, twisting a lock of red streaked blonde hair around her finger. "I... uh..."

I stepped forward and lightly clasped her wrists with my hands. Lord, they felt so thin and fragile.

"You can tell me."

She blinked.

"It's like drowing."

I waited.

"Only I can see everyone around me breathing."

 a/n

:(

poor Rory. 

I pinky swear updates will now be much faster. I've gotten off my writer's block and I'm back to writing almost everyday :)

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