That Summer || Nate Ruess

though i've never been through hell like that

Nate's POV

It was after Rory had gone to bed and I was sitting on the couch, sprawled out and watching some old Friends re-runs. This show never gets old. 

It was all very calm and serene until Nattie came in.

"Dude, I've got to talk to you," he said, bursting in and quite rudely making himself at home in our house. Well, Nattie, next time you can-

I froze. 

Did I just call it our house? As in, mine and Rory's house?

The more I thought about it, the more I realized I wouldn't exactly mind having Rory live here, for, like, ever. 

The thought freaked me out so I focused on Nattie.

"What's up, man?"

"It's about Rory."

I tensed. "What about her?"

Nattie sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "Um, so like, I probably shouldn't be telling you this but since you live with her and everything, you'd be able to keep more of an eye on her, and stuff."

"What is it?" I asked, getting a little worried. 

"She's... um, she um..." He bit his lip. "I honestly don't know how to say it. Okay, uh, well the other day when you were out with Ellie, I came over to hang, because I didn't know you were out with Ellie and shit. But, I came over and I heard sounds in the bathroom so naturally I opened the door-"

I started to speak so I could tell Nattie how gross that was on so many levels, but he shushed me, looking incredibly serious. 

"She was... Rory was... she was..."

"Yeah?"

"She was... hurting herself."

I froze. "Nattie, are you sure?"

He nodded. "Yeah."

I rested my head in my hands. "Okay. Thanks for telling me."

I heard the door click and knew he had left. 

I didn't know what to think.

I knew Rory was depressed, as much as she didn't show it. I knew that. But I wasn't... I didn't... 

I got up and began to pace around the kitchen. It kind of burned, to think of her hurting so much she had to hurt herself physically. 

It made me want to hide her under a blanket and never let her go, to keep her safe from the whole world. It made me want to protect her. The urge was almost overwhelming. 

But I couldn't.

I just didn't know what to do. I'd talk to her about it in the morning, maybe, and then maybe I could at least hug her.

My thoughts were teeming, and I felt a wave of inspiration. I could write a song. I could. Right now.

I sat down at the table, paper and pen in hand and closed my eyes.

You swore and said,

"We are not,

We are not shining stars."

This I know,

I never said we are

Though I've never been through hell like that

I've closed enough windows to know you can never look back

If you're lost and alone

Or you're sinking like a stone.

Carry on

May your past be the sound

Of your feet upon the ground.

Carry on

a/n

short lame chapter, i know. ugh :\

the next one will be longer, I promise

love you guys <3