Seventeen-year old first year college student Josie Clarke would prefer not to blush the colour crimson at every little thing, but Idiopathic Craniofacial Erythema, a chronic facial condition doesn't play fair.
In fact, it's as uncontrollable...
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If Monday had a face I'd punch it. Then I'd run and hide because the guilt would be written all over my own.
And so here I am. Back at college after having spent most of the weekend fending off fussing parents and the frustration of Friday's hospital visit. My only souvenir a nasty looking cut from falling into the media course's notice board - allegedly - which hasn't stopped stinging since I was discharged.
But of course, Mum says that I have to return with my head held high and remember my breathing exercises. Not leave myself open to any situations that might potentially trigger any blushes. Which is easier said than done.
Anything and everything these days is a damn trigger.
Only just this morning, when given the go ahead to cross in front of car a few streets from my house, did I erupt into a blaze of blushes. And my head's felt dizzy ever since.
The whispers through the college's corridors on my way to the library don't make it feel any better either. I swear that even the librarian, usually so friendly and chatty took one look at me and thought oh no, not her.
But that's paranoia for you. Just one more side affect of living with ICE. Dad says that it's understandable to feel like everyone's out to get me but he never offers up any advice on how to make it go away for good. He only smiles or sighs.
This morning it was the latter and a 'good luck @ college, darling' text sent before his postal delivery shift. Mum just ruffled my hair and told me to eat a banana so I wouldn't syncope the regular way - lack of breakfast.
And because I am keen not to repeat Friday, I force myself to buy lunch from the canteen after I've checked my new timetable for media class. With the hope it'll ease the churning sensation in my stomach and the lightness in my head.
I opt for a pre-packaged tuna pasta salad and a chocolate snack bar. And thankfully it's not too hard to find a table because most are outside. An early April heatwave has rolled into Southbrook by Sea - a rarity for our small coastal town. Usually it's showers with grey clouds until June breaks the spell with summer.
But not today.
Southbrook college - home of higher education and creative diploma granting courses, is a sweltering inferno instead. Thank god someone's had the smarts to open all the windows and doors, I think as I tuck myself behind a small table, close enough to catch the breeze in the corner of the large canteen.
I'm out of sight too, away from the drama students with their mini speakers and musical soundtracks, and the fashion students with perfect top knots and Monday attire.
