It's Not Easy

Chapter 3

  After practice Pat drive us back home and we went inside and I was tackled in hugs by my sisters. "Baby sis is back!" "Hey you guys." "Hey share, I missed my daughter." Dad said with a chuckle and I went over and gave him and mom hugs as well. I sat on the couch and we all talked and caught up on life. "How long are you here for?" Mom asked. "I have a game tomorrow then two practice days and then another game and we fly back after the second game." "So four days with no free days?" "Yeah pretty much I only have today off." "Are you going to come to the game in two days?" Pat asked. "I can try to, I want to be there I really do." "Alright I understand if you can't but," "Pat I'm going to try my absolute best to be there okay?" "Yeah." He got up and went outside.

 I followed him and saw tears in his eyes. "Pat please." "I just hate how I never see you and you never get to see me play." "I'm sorry but I'm in the same boat, you've only been to handful of my games too." "I know and I wish it didn't have to be that way." "I feel the same way but it's life and we've done it for so long already." "Yeah I guess so." "Hey listen, it's not easy but we're stronger than that. I love you big brother." "I love you too baby sister." We hugged and my head just reached his chest so it was a nice comfortable hug. The sliding door opened and it was mom. "Pat can I talk to your sister alone?" "Yeah." He kissed my forehead and went back inside. 

There was silence for a few minutes. "What do you want to talk about?" "You just coming home pretending you never left." "What?" "You come home and act like you never left!" "Maybe because I don't want to be treated like I left. I hate leaving because I never know how long it's going to be before I come back home." "Then you should have never left." "I'm sorry for following my dreams just like Pat did with his." "You will never make it. You are going to fail and come crawling back home. You will never be good enough." "It's not like I've never heard that one before." Tears stung in the back of my eye as I looked at the skyline of Chicago. "You deserve to hear it." "Thank you." I went inside. "Pat have to get going I'll see you tomorrow hopefully." "Yeah okay do you need a ride?" "No I'm fine." He followed me out into the hall. "What's wrong?" "Don't worry about it." "Bug?" "Pat please don't worry about it. You don't need to worry about. There's nothing to worry about." "Don't lie to me. You don't look me in the lie when you lie." "I need to go." I turned to walk away, but he grabbed my wrist. "Maddie!! Talk to me!" "Ask mom." I pulled free and ran out of the building and to the team hotel. Coach was in the lobby. "Slow down speedy." "Sorry coach." "What's wrong?" "A lot." "Gym?" "Yeah." "Don't hurt yourself." "I won't." "I'm serious, don't over do it. We need you tomorrow." "I promise coach." I went to the gym put headphones in and ran. I was in there for maybe two hours before I got off and went to shower and then went to bed. 

 We walked out onto the field for the game and I looked in the stands and Pat wasn't there, none of my family was, Jonny was there for Syd and I had no one. I sighed and we lined up and did handshakes and what not before huddling together for our pregame prayer, I decided to do the one I memorized in high school, "Lord, please clear our heads of all distractions and our hearts of all burdens that we may bear, so we may perform our very best, knowing you will always be there. Please lift us up before the moment, so through your eyes we may see, and have a clearer understanding, as the game unfolds before us. With great courage we will meet this challenge, as you would have us to. But keep us humble and remind us that our strength comes from knowing you. Then when all eyes are upon us, at the end of this game, we will turn their eyes to you O'Lord, and to the glory of your name,..." "Amen." We got in position and the game got started.

At the end of the game I had 3 goals, and an assist as we won the game 4-0. I looked into the stands and Pat never showed up. He promised me. I blink the tears away as we gathered in a circle at center field and coach prayed again. We went to the locker room and I didn't say anything the whole time we were in there. "Kane, Toews hallway." Coach said, so me and Syd went out there and saw Jonny. "I'll let you guys be alone." I said turning to go back into the locker room. "Maddie, we want to talk to you." "Why?" "We want to know what's wrong?" "Nothing I'm fine." "You sure." "Yeah." "Then what happened between you and Pat?" Jonny asked. "I don't know." "Maddie..." "Please just leave it alone. I don't want to talk about this right now." "Maddie you can't run from it." "I'm not Jonny, you just wouldn't understand okay? No one has ever told you, you can't do something. Or maybe you have been told that but it's never come out of the mouth of your family. So please leave it alone, I'm fine." "That's a lie." "Call it what you want." I turned and went into the locker room and went to shower and tears just fell down my cheeks. Why isn't life ever easy?