l o s t [m.h, g.d]

1

3/12/16 The song I was listening to as I conceived of the plot of this story and wrote the first words you see below - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wUuhnehs474

Two figures walking up the beach. One tall, one shorter. It was misty, the light so bright that they looked distorted with skinny long necks and legs. I brushed the droplets of water that had squeezed from my screwed up eyes from my cheeks. I wasn't crying, close to, but I wasn't. It was the light. One of those days when the sky is completely white and the sun is invisible but the UV is so bright you feel like your eyes are going to burn out.

I shifted my position and the car bonnet dented in a different place. I had the crumpled, out of date map pinned under the heels of my trainers. I stared at the squiggly lines, trying to find a name I recognised from the signs on the sides of the roads. I searched. I couldn't find. I sighed, rubbed my eyes, my face, trying to blot out the rushing sound in my head.

'Fuck.' I let the expletive slip.

Footsteps on the pebbles. Getting nearer. I sighed again, took my head out of my hands so that I didn't attract any attention. I drummed my fingers on the map between my legs, leaning my face against my knee. The squiggly lines blurred. I'd stopped really trying to figure out where I was going a long time ago. Weeks now.

The two distorted figures I'd noticed before were passing in front of me. They were looking, I could tell. Kept my eyes down. For fuck sake. Could they not just ignore me. Go on. Walk past. I don't need any help. Well, I don't want help. Fuck.

They hesitated in my peripheral vision. I looked up. I had to. It was becoming too obvious I was ignoring them.

They doubled back a bit and walked up to the bonnet of my car.

'Are you alright?'

I tried to fix my face into something that didn't resemble lostness. I tightened the bun on the top of my head. It was all falling out anyway. I crossed my arm over my chest, holding onto the other one with my elbows leant on my knees instead of my head.

'Uh, yeah. Yeah, I'm good.' I don't even know which one spoke. I addressed the space between them.  I blinked. My eyes, dry and itchy from zero sleep, began to water again.

'Are you sure?' One of them, the taller one, he kind of laughed. 'You look a bit lost.'

I looked at him blankly. I hadn't heard a person laugh in days. I hadn't even spoken in days. My voice was hoarse, sounded different, lack of use.

He was looking back at me. I saw a hint of apprehension in his eyes. His eyes were a soft brown. He probably thought I was insane. I shook myself mentally. Come on.

I cleared my throat, swallowed, pushed the hair out of my eyes.

'Yes, sorry. I'm in a bit of a daze. Yeah, I am lost.'

'We can help you. We're from around here.' The shorter one said smiling at me, his eyes narrowing in a nice way. Crinkled at the edges. Slowly ascending out of the pit of fog I'd been swimming in for days I took a look at him properly. He had shaved parts on his head, the rest dark, very dark.

He seemed to be waiting for me to answer but when I didn't he moved closer, making my decision for me, hopping up on the bonnet beside me. I didn't know what to do, where to look. He was right next to me. Like very close. Touching me. I hadn't touched another human since... I actually don't know. I could smell him. Minty. I tore my eyes away from the cluster of tiny moles I'd just noticed around the corner of his mouth. It was too obvious that I was staring with his face right next mine. I blinked a couple of times, blinking away my surprise. The other guy leant on the bonnet on my other side. I'm glad he didn't try and squeeze on with us. He was too big. I would probably explode.