l o s t [m.h, g.d]

5

Sat on the sofa, under a blanket, trying to shake of the imposter syndrome that had been clawing at my insides for the last hour and a half. George was clattering pots and pans around in the kitchen. Matty tottered through as soon as he smelt food, rubbing at his eyes as if rising for the day.

'I think you owe Finn an apology Matthew.' George said, that half smile/smirk thing back on his face. My eyes widened. I tried not to appear embarrassed.

'Eh?' Matty said, wrinkling his forehead. He wasn't wearing a t-shirt, just jeans with a huge rip at the knee.

George pointed his wooden spoon vaguely in my direction. 'Finn. Got a fright when she woke up next to your ugly mug, didn't she.'

Matty looked over at me. 'Did you?' He stretched his arms above his head, groaning loudly. I watched his skin slide over the bones of his ribcage.

I shrugged. 'I shouldn't have fallen asleep in your bed. I didn't mean to. Sorry.'

George hung his head back. 'How have you managed to turn your apology into her apology?'

Matty stopped stretching and laughed, throwing his bones into an armchair in a heap. 'Dunno mate. Magic.' He winked at me. I smiled. 'Nah, sorry about that. I didn't think you'd mind, I got cold on the couch. And then... you were in my bed weren't you. So it was nice and warm.' He smiled, his eyes narrowing. I noticed that both of them, both of their eyes, when they laughed or smiled, they narrowed in the same way.

We ate. We watched television. We talked. About nothing. About what is going to happen when people eventually start to live till 500. About how scary space is. About how George got abuse hurled at him by 12 year olds on the way to the shops earlier. About how funny it is when someone orders food and they end up hating it.

I found myself laughing more than I had laughed in a year. It maybe had something to do with the joint we had smoked. I started to unwind, remembered how to speak to people, how to make conversation. I tried to keep it simple, general. I wanted to know more about them but I didn't want them to direct any of the same conversations towards myself.

They were a funny pair. They seemed completely different. George was placid and calm. He spoke slowly, and often seemed to get tangled up in his sentences, forgetting how he'd begun it. He seemed articulate, but not bothered about showing it. Matty often interrupted him before he could finish but he not once did he snap or complain. Matty couldn't stop talking. He used all words, complicated, obscure, ones I'd never heard before. He sounded pretentious in one sentence and then ridiculously normal in the next, joking about Pitbull and farts. He demanded attention whilst George sat back.

But weirdly at the same time as this, they were innately similar. They would both bite there nails if they weren't speaking, Matty in a slightly more anxious way than George. They changed the position they were sitting in constantly, crossing their legs, slouching, sitting up. They found almost exactly the same things funny. They would often converse without me, remembering a forgotten personal joke or throwing a look.

I couldn't stop watching them. I liked sitting and talking to them, listening to them. I could take them in, sort them out in my head. I'd always been fascinated by people. It was something I liked to keep to myself. I observed, I took them in, I sorted them, I compartmentalised them. That last part was harder with these two.

Everything that had happened previously was so odd and unexpected that I had felt constantly on edge. I began to relax, to enjoy company. They made me feel safe and- safe and... I don't know what else. Scared. I know. It doesn't make sense. But I hadn't allowed myself the luxury of company for a very long time. For the moment, they had rescued me. And it was terrifying.

I started yawning again. Wondered how I could possibly still be tired. Until I thought about where I'd be right now if it weren't for these two strangers.

I rested my head against the arm of the sofa. The boys' words and soft laughter swept over me.

I stirred. I was aware of a sudden silence. I didn't open my eyes, still surfacing. I came to the realisation that I had fallen asleep again. God knows how long for this time. I needed to stop doing this. I had only meant to shut my eyes for a second. I think my body was shutting down from the abuse I had given it recently.

'Did she wake up?' George's voice, almost too deep to hear properly.

'Nah. Don't think so.'

There was another silence.

'Are we mental?'

'Yeah I think we are a bit.'

'What if she robs us?'

'What have we really got worth robbing? All our equipment is else where.'

'True.'

Matty's laugh. 'Can't believe we have a homeless in our house. Why do we do shit like this?'

No answer.

They were talking about me.

George's voice, slow, contemplative. 'She's done something. That's why she never says where she's been or where she's going. She's gonna fucking rob us and fuck off and we're just gonna let it happen.'

'Nah, criminals don't look like that.'

'Like what?'

'Like that. She's beautiful.'

I still had my eyes closed. I got a feeling in my stomach like I had just missed a step going down the stairs. Four hissing burns where their eyes touched my skin.

'Doesn't mean she isn't gonna rob us soon as we green out.'

'She could rob me any time she liked. Anyway who cares?' Matty, I think, whined.

A pause.

'She's running away from something then. There has to be a reason why she's driving around shitty towns for weeks.'

'How do you know it's been weeks?'

'Not catch a whiff of her mate?'

They both laughed.

'Her minge must've been crawling.'

'Matty!' George's hushed voice, shock and laughter in it. 'You can't... say that when she's right there. What if she was listening in.'

'We've already been debating whether she's a serial killer or not, I think she might've said something.'

A silence. Matty spoke again. 'We can't keep her forever though. We have shit to do.'

George snickered. 'Have you told yourself that. You're the one who jumped into bed with her.'

'You know me mate.'

I felt a bit pissed off. Nobody was keeping me. That didn't happen. I could leave right now.

'Do you think we should move her?'

'Nah, she seemed a bit freaked out earlier, best let her sleep on the sofa.'

There was a pause, I could here them moving around, getting ready to go to bed.

'Night mate.'

'Night.'

Matty's bedroom door closed.

I could hear George moving around, as quietly as he could. He was so big his footsteps made the floorboards creak. I heard the sound of glasses and plates being washed. Quiet humming. The tap squeaked off.

Big hands straightened out my legs on the sofa. A cushion placed under my head. The blanket drawn up over my upper body and down over my legs.

George's bedroom door closed.