Beauty And The Bill

2 // Talking Herbage

Herbage (noun) - nonwoody vegetation; the succulent part of herbaceous plants; vegetation grazed by animals.

[ Y/N ]

Trekking into the woods without a map was a bad idea. The most terrible plan I have ever come up with. What was I expecting exactly? That the mansion of my father's kidnapper would magically just poof itself in front of me?

I let out an exasperated sigh. I'm a complete idiot. How am I supposed to find my father like this? Maybe I should go back, get a map and a vehicle that I can use because walking is tiring as heck. I'm not really a huge fan of perspiring. Physical exertion is for someone that isn't named (y/n) (m/n) (l/n).

As I was too wrapped up by my thoughts, I almost didn't notice the tiny potted plant near my feet. Almost. I jumped back in surprise when I noticed it. "What on earth is a potted-," I examine the plant. "Baby pine tree?" I said aloud. Is it normal for one to put pine trees in pots in mid February? Wasn't that a December thing?

"You need to be careful next time, baby pine tree. I could've trampled you if not for my quick reactions," I told the pine tree, not really sure why I did so. "My apologies miss, I will watch myself next time," the pine tree said to me.

I smiled. Haha, the pine tree talked to me.... Wait what?

I immediately threw the potted tree away from me, screaming as I did so. I scamper away to a nearby bush where I hid myself from the talking tree. "C-come any closer a-and I'll rip the roots out of you!" I tried to be threatening but with my nervous voice and the stuttering, it seems I have failed.

The potted pine tree appears before me, its leaves swaying with the wind. "I'm sorry to have frightened you, miss. I mean it's not every day you see and meet talking greenery that randomly occupies space in the forest," the pine tree says to me as it performs a little bow. I stare at it with eyes the size of saucers. Am I dreaming or something? Maybe the exhaustion caused from minimal amount of walking made me faint and dream about herbage. Yes, that is definitely it.

So as the talking pine tree spouts gibberish and after concluding that I am not entirely crazy, I grabbed a nearby branch and began to whack my head with it. This causes the talking pine tree to pause mid sentence. "Um miss?" it asks me.

I avert my eyes to it as I continued to forcibly hit myself with a branch. "Yes?"

The pine tree suddenly sprouts tiny wood fingers at the end of its branches then grabs the branch I was using to knock myself out. "Head trauma is bad for the health, you know this right?" it says to me. I stare at it blankly. "Of course I know that. I just need to end this dream and hitting myself with a random piece of wood seemed like a great solution,"

The pine tree crosses its wood arms. It has arms now apparently. My God I'm beginning to grow madder as this dream progresses. "First of all, this isn't a dream miss. I wish it was but unfortunately this is reality. Now will you please tell me your name? I was actually looking for a girl who fits your features," the pine tree says to me.

I sighed. This is reality huh? So I am crazy... Well, might as well embrace my insanity than live trying to deny it. "My name's (y/n) (l/n), talking pine tree," I said to it as I sat on the ground, not minding at all the dirt that might ruin the dress I was wearing. The pine tree lets out an annoyed huff then murmurs, "Stupid Cipher making me into the object he nicknamed me,"

"What was that?" I asked. The pine tree sighs then raises a branch at me. "Nothing important... Anyways, it appears you're the person I was sent here to escort back to my current place of residence," it says to me. I raise a brow at it, confused. "What do you mean Mister Pine tree?" I ask it curiously. The pine tree hops out of the bush then ushers me to follow it. "I'm taking to you to the Mansion of Bill Cipher, miss (y/n)," it says to me. "And oh, before I forget," it turns around as if to look at me then says, "My name is Dipper Pines and it might not be obvious since I am currently a plant but I'm a boy so quit it with the 'its' and 'pine trees',"

"So... You say you're working with the man who kidnapped my father?" I asked Dipper, the talking pine tree who insists that I call him that. Dipper sighs at what I said. "More like forced to work with him. I swear that Cipher is going to pay for what he's done to us someday," Dipper says to me, as he hops along the path we were walking on. He also insists that I use the pronouns 'he', 'him' and any other pronoun that refers to a boy when talking to and about him.

"So your master's name is Cipher, huh?" Dipper's leaves shudders a bit. "Not entirely. Cipher is his surname. His given name is somewhat of a bad omen to me so I avoid using it," he says to me.

"Ah, kind of like in Harry Potter where mentioning 'Voldemort' is bad,"

"I actually don't know what you mean by that," Dipper says to me with a hint of confusion. I gape at him. How could he not know of Harry Potter?! It was the best book series ever created!

When I was about to ask and question Dipper on how he does not know of Harry Potter, he abruptly stops walking. You stop beside him, bewildered. "Dipper, why have we stopped?"

Dipper does not face me when he says, "We're here,"

At first I was confused. What did he mean when he said 'here'? Where was 'here'? But after thinking thoroughly about it I finally understood. I whipped my head to the direction where Dipper was staring at then gasp. In front of me stood tall black gates that had the letters 'B' and 'C' on it.

"Welcome to the hellhole I live in (y/n),"

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Did anyone notice the somewhat british feel this chapter had? No? Okay then... Anyways, hope you all enjoy the chapter! I will no longer be leaving any A/N's for the next few chapters since I think they're quite bothersome. So yeah! If you need anything, let me know~ And before I forget, Happy Birthday to @callmeallysa xD