Behind Closed Doors

An Escape

3 MONTHS LATER
______________________________________________________________________________


April. April 14th to be exact. That's the three month anniversary of Aiden's death.


I haven't hit on anybody after Aiden passed away. And I'm sure he wouldn't do the same if the situation were vice versa.


Sometimes, I'd feel as though he was watching me from up above out of no where. The windows and doors would open out of the blue, my hair would sometimes be pushed to my left side, just the way Aiden liked it. Even if the wind was blowing towards my left side where the hair was supposed to be against my left shoulder.


Or maybe I was just going crazy.


School felt terrible without him. I wouldn't see his flashing smile in the morning every time I saw him standing next to me. No new kids transfered to Aiden's locker. His stuff was still in there, I bet. I had his combo on a piece of paper somewhere in my planner.


Maybe I should open it and find out.


After lunch, I looked for it, then finally found it. I quickly ran to our locker hallway.


Aiden's Locker Combination-Locker 380


ll 18-32-20 ll


I opened it on the first try. His black oakley sweater was in there, hanging in the back of his locker. His notebooks were on a locker shelf towards the bottom. I opened it and saw his messy yet wonderful handwriting. I smiled and fought my tears.


And then on the door of his locker, I noticed a photo of me and him that he printed out in black and white. I wanted to frame it and put it in my house so I put it in my locker.


I quickly transferred his books into my locker, slammed the door shut, then speed walked to my next class.


***


1 MONTH LATER


May 22. Aiden's birthday.


I still haven't dated anyone or had any sexual feelings towards any human being after Aiden passed away.


Guys hit on me now, but I was never interested in any of them since Aiden. Before Aiden, I was highly attracted to them, but not anymore.


Every month on the 14th, I'd take roses to his grave and talk to him. About everything. About all of my feelings until I was done.


I walked to his grave from my house with a new set of roses.


"Happy birthday. I'd hug you, but I'd have to dig you up." I sighed then smiled sadly at the grave.


"I was only here a week ago, but it's your birthday so I guess I might as well talk to you about my feelings. I forgot to tell you about the winter showcase. It was a great experience. I got a standing ovation. You broke my stage fright and the fear of being made fun of. And for that I love you so friggin much. I love you so much, you don't even know. It's hard to explain in words, but someday you'll understand why."


I sighed as tears were forming in my eyes. "My dad still hasn't came back yet." I chuckled softly, "Big whoop, huh? Uh..What other stuff has happened lately? After you passed away, your sister didn't gossip and socialize as much. Your dad broke his leg and sprained his wrist after the accident. Your mom has been crying a lot lately, but she's been really generous. Your family is really nice. I miss you. I mean I really do miss you and I just want you to hug me and tell me it's all gonna turn out okay...please come back to me. Let this be a joke. I need you. My mom thinks I'm all depressed which I am. She wants to take me to some shrink."


I kissed my hand then placed it on the grave. "I love you, Aiden Summers. Don't forget me, alright? I love you till eternity ends."


I placed the flowers down as I cried even more. I walked away, knowing that tonight, I'd see him again.


***


That night, I locked myself in my bathroom, crying and sitting on the floor against the wall. My mom was already asleep so I went to the fridge and grabbed some of her alcohol and brought it to the bathroom.


I looked in my medicine cabinet and looked at the back where it showed all of the medication info. I found one that said


'Twelve or more pills causes liver failure.'


Liver failure leads to death.


Death leads to heaven or hell.


If I make it to heaven, I'll see Aiden.


If I see Aiden, I'll be happy.


Happy is good.


I took all of the pills out. 'All eighteen'. I then swallowed them along with the alcohol in the fridge. I stared up at the ceiling as I felt the room getting hotter and hotter as my chest hurt and my heart was beating out of its chest. I felt warm tears go down my face.


"Well this is it, world!" I yelled loudly. I heard a knock on the door minutes later and someone calling my name. I think it was my mother, but I wasn't positive.


She somehow got the door open, saw me, then pulled out her phone. Even though the world was spinning, I was probably drunk and I was dying, I saw the look of concern painted on her face.


Even though everything sounded at least 90 miles away, I could distinguish my mother's words into the phone.


"My daughter is dying! She took pills and she's drunk! 4632 Sycareg, Lane. Yes. Thank you."


She hung up, looked at me, then shook my shoulders back and forth. I looked at her while my eyes were almost at a close. She slapped my face, "Stay awake. Help is coming to save you."


I did as she was told, holding on as long as I could. Emily woke up to my mother's cries and the paramedics trying to help me.


"Mommy, what's happening to Char-Char?" She asked, tears streaming down her face.


I noticed my mother grasped her shoulders then looked into her eyes. "Char-Char is very sick and she needs help. Now go back to sleep."


Emily nodded, but walked towards me as the paramedics were about to wheel me away and put me into the ambulance. She kissed my hand and smiled, "Feel better, Char-Char. I love you."