Holding On

Chaper 20::

Song for this Chapter: Heal by tom odell

Lauren's POV:

"We are gathered here today to celebrate the life of Avery Rose Parker. She was loved by many even though she lived a short few years, but the moments we shared with her we hold deep in our hearts."

Nothing the priest said could fill the emptiness inside of me. I sat there staring into the cloudy skies that overcasted this day: this cold January day. There were no words I could say to keep me sane, there was no movement I could do to keep me going, I was nothing.

Was there anything I could do to take away this feeling; this all too familiar feeling. Could someone take my mind, take my pain, take away this emptiness? She was only ten; she lived ten short years. Cancer took her away from me.

"Avery Rose will forever be in our prayers. She now watches down upon us as our guardian angel. Now Avery's sister Lauren would like to say a few words in her memory." The priest stepped down and walked to his seat. Silence filled the room; there were faint sniffles here and there. I stood up releasing my hand from Hunter's. I made my way to the the microphone and faced everyone.

"Hi I'm Lauren, Avery's sister." All eyes were on me. They stared into my eyes hoping to hear some sort of guidance to help them as they grieved, but what were they expecting from me. I didn't even know what to think anymore. Maybe since I went through this before, I was somehow use to it, but no one gets used to these kinds of things.

"My little sister was my entire world, from the moment she was born I swore to protect her. In someway I feel as if I let her down- that I let myself down. My parents died a year ago from a car crash; Avery was in that car and she survived. I realized that day that in the blink of an eye everything that you thought you had could be gone in an instant. A few weeks after the car crash Avery was diagnosed with stage three cancer. I'll never forget that day when we found out; we were sitting in the hospital and she turned to me and said 'am I gonna die like mommy and daddy'. That was the day I knew that I had to get my life together. I was a teenager, but I couldn't act like one anymore. Her Nurse Paige looked me in the eyes and I knew that our chances weren't good, but we got this far right Avery." I looked up into the sky knowing she was here somewhere.

"Avery fought for over a year. Every time I'd visit her I'd notice another part of that little girl go missing. First it was her hair, then her skin color became pale, she stopped eating her favorite foods, she began to lose her smile, and then she lost hope. Can you really blame her though because I know I never would of been able to fight that battle like Avery did. She fought so hard to her very last breathe. The day before she passed away Avery told me she wanted to go home, and she is home now she is with mom and dad. She gets to live her life pain free, she gets to smile, but most of all she gets to see our parents. My little sister was my best friend she showed me that never stop fighting; even when no one has faith in you. The doctors told her she only had a few months, but she showed them wrong. I got to the hospital late by the time I got there she had already passed, but I know that it was easier for her that way. I think that she knew that I knew how much she loved me and how much I loved her. She always told me to stay strong and I will for her. Avery died from stage four cancer, but it wasn't the cancer that killed her-she fought. She was tired and she decided to find happiness again." I stopped taking a breathe. I wiped my eyes that were streaming with tears.

"I don't think a single day will go by that I don't think of her. Avery and I planned on seeing the world together; we had so much adventure ahead of us. I waited for her to get better, but we should've just went. I keep asking myself what if I did this, what if I did that would she of been happier. We live in a world filled with what ifs when we can just do it. Avery's life I spent with her will always be a part of who I am, and who I'll become. For those of you who didn't know the little girl I knew or even if you did; I want all you to realize life is meaningful, it's so precious-each and every moment of it. Don't hold on to the what ifs in life, just do it. If not for yourself, do it for Avery and live in the memory of her with me.

'Avery was my everything and everyday she'll be watching over me with with my parents. One day we'll be a family again, but for now I'm here to share and tell their stories."

There wasn't a single dry eye in the room and for the first time since she died I was crying too. I stepped down and walked back to my seat. The Priest walked back up to finish saying his final words, but I didn't listen. Whatever he was saying it didn't matter because I knew already that I was in good hands. I knew that right now it wasn't going to be easy, but it always gets better. I have to hope it will get better right; or is everything just going to break apart again. 

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So I'm in tears right now.. and I'm just ahhh I've been dreading writing this chapter for a long time and I finally did and I'm just done. 

I just wanted to say I love reading your guys comments :)) 

LEt me know what you guys think!!

xxxx