san francisco: sequel to invisible [completed]

woke up older // the wonder years *trigger warning*

I walk over, through all of the tourists to the fence by the river. It's one of the best views of the Golden Gate Bridge. All I can think about right now is what would it be like if I jumped. If I just walked up there one night and just climbed over the edge and jumped. Would it be an amazing feeling until I hit the water? Would I just sink or would my body wash up on the shore line or will I get sent out to sea? Would I even die? I can't even imagine the feelings it would give me. I don't know if it's good to have these thoughts, but it's scaring me. I'm scaring myself. I look to the left of me to see this girl with long and wavy brown hair and she has bright blue eyes. Her eyes are so beautiful. They look like ocean waters back at the beach in Sydney when we went. I forget that I'm staring when she looks at me and just smiles. When we make eye contact after she smiles, her smile fades and I just turn, walking away to go do other touristy things. I can't even control my suicidal thoughts, what makes me think I can control everything else.

It's now later and I have talked to my dad today. He asked if I've met anyone yet and I didn't tell him about the encounter with that girl. I don't even know her name. I didn't even say a word to her. We just made eye contact and I lost it. I completely lost it and I made a fool of myself. God I just want to die. I hate myself and everything I do. I fucking left Sydney and my brother tries killing himself and then I'm blamed for everything. I am to blame. There's no other reason why. Every reason he tells me is just a cover up to the truth. I take a deep breath, walking to the fence I was greeted with earlier today when it was actually light out. It's now 11pm and I'm staring at the illuminated bridge. I wish I was on that bridge right now about to just quit everything.
"It's beautiful isn't it?" My thoughts are interrupted by a soft, soothing female voice. I look to my left to see the same girl from this morning.
"Yeah, I guess." I sigh, leaning over the fence.
"I like coming here all the time to take pictures. I probably have a million by now of the bridge." She smiles. "Not to sound rude or anything, but it sound's like you're not from here. Where are you from?" she asks. I shrug.
"I grew up in LA, but my parents were from Sydney. My dad, my brother and I moved back to Sydney suddenly when I was almost seven and my brother was three." I sigh, not really wanting to bore her with my life story.
"What about your mom?" She asks. I start to get teary eyed, thinking about Michael and how great of a dad he was. I'm not upset with her though for thinking I had a mom and dad. I mean, it isn't her fault she doesn't know.
"I don't have a mom." I pause. She looked confused for a second. "I had two dads. Just not all four of us moved to Sydney alive." I say, turning away quickly, not wanting her to see me cry. I still cry over this, I'm so pathetic. It's been years and I'm still crying.
"Oh, I'm so sorry for your loss." She says, putting a hand on my shoulder, rubbing it gently. I look back out at the bridge, tears dripping down my cheeks. "I won't ask what happened because I feel like it's rude to ask, but from how you're reacting, it doesn't seem good." I shake my head, sniffing and wiping tears.
"I'm sorry for ruining your night by making you sit here and listen to my problems." I mumble, turning to leave as she catches me by the wrist.
"Hey, no. It's okay, really. You didn't ruin my night." She says as she leads me over to a bench that's facing the bridge. "I just came out here to get another picture of the bridge because there wasn't going to be any fog tonight. Usually the fog has settled before I get down here. This is actually the first one I have of it at night." She says, putting a comforting arm around my shoulders. "I just realized, we never exchanged names." She grins slightly. "My name is Jessie. But a lot of people just call me Jess. So you can just call me Jess." I smile a little bit, wiping the last of my tears.
"I'm Madison, but you can call me Madi." I say, then realize she might have recognized me from the news. I almost freak out until I realize she had just smiled and looked out at the bridge again. She didn't even ask if I was related to Michael? That's a first.
"It's nice to meet you, Madi." She looks back at me with that unforgettable smile. I smile back. She looks away, checking the time on her phone. "Shit. It's almost midnight. My parents are going to kill me." She says quickly. I furrow my eyebrows in confusion. "Here, I guess. If you want, we can meet back here and I can show you around a bit tomorrow?" She says, handing me a slip of paper she had just written on with the items from her bag. I nod smiling as she gets up and rushes down the street. I look down at the paper to see that she had written her number down. I type it into my phone, shoving the paper into my pocket.