Her Story

Scars

The following day

We decided to hang out today so I had to get ready. I threw some clothes on and applied a little bit of eyeliner and I was ready. I left the house carrying my backpack and a small blanket incase he wanted to lay down in the grass. Before we began to hang out, I noted to him that my thigh hurt because my cat had scratched me although that is not what really happened. I felt bad for lying to him about how the cuts got onto my thigh but I didn't want him finding out. We met at the park a half hour later and I took a seat on the table while he took a seat on the tables bench. He and I began a conversation as usual and not about anything specific it was just one of the normal, random conversations we have. Not soon after, he began gently rubbing his hand back and forth from my thigh to my knee. Not in a sexual way but in a loving way, like he was trying to comfort me. When he brushed his hand over my thigh, the cuts began to sting and I'd cringe a little.

    Maybe he noticed, maybe it was just instinct. "Where did the cat scratch you?" He asked. "My thigh." I replied hesitantly. "Let me see."He began to pull my pajama pants down to try and expose my thigh. "No." I pulled my pants back up and held it there. I kept my head down and avoided eye contact. "Let me see Christy." He fought my grip on my pants and eventually won. I gave up while he began to uncover my bare thigh, exposing multiple horizontal cuts. They were long and they were short. They were deep and I made sure of that. Each one was created from anger. From self hatred. Each cut was created from a different thought. Each thought wanted an end. Once he laid eyes on them he fixed my pants and laid his head in my lap. I kept my head down and looking at the floor.

After what felt like hours, I felt something wet and warm on my leg, where his head was placed. I then heard him breathing in very short breaths. Crying? Is he crying? I thought to myself. I immediately felt more guilty than I had before. I felt really sad too. I ran my fingers through his hair and rubbed his back to try and comfort him. My face began to heat up, I felt my nose get warm and a frown formed on my lips as my vision began to blur. I let out a sigh and a warm tear ran down my cheek and dripped onto my pants. I blinked a little hoping to clear all of the tears from my eyes. All it did was make room for more.

    While time passed, his crying became more prominent and I felt even worse. I did this. I did this to him. These thoughts were floating around in my mind. I just wanted to make it better. But I didn't know if I could do that. I gently sat him upright so I could see his face. I proceeded to wipe his tears as mine formed again. I looked into his eyes with sadness. He wouldn't look into mine. "Sol." I called his name so he would look at me. Once he was, I opened my mouth to speak but no words came out. It took me a minute to form them. So I started again, "I'm sorry." I looked away again. There was a long pause. I then heard him speak, "D-do I make you happy?" I looked at him, with a puzzling look. "Yes of course Sol." He took a deep breath. "Then what does this show me?" He gestured towards my thigh. ¨It's not your fault Sol. You make me so happy I promise you that. I just really wasn't okay with myself last night. An-" Just then he began crying again. Hard. I wanted to make this better. "No love. Please don't cry." I held him and rubbed his back. I could feel his hot breath on my neck as his tears hit my shoulder. I continued trying to comfort him and began crying again myself. I didn't want this for him. I made him like this. I did this to him. How could I possibly be meant for him?

    After nearly an hour of explaining and reassuring, we got ourselves together and went to the liquor store not far from where we were to get some snacks. When we got to the candy section I paid specific attention to his face when he was talking to me. He was so handsome. So perfect. How could I have gotten this? Do I even deserve him? How could I have done this to him. Make something, someone so perfect sad? What type of person does that? "This one?" He asked me after digging through a small cardboard box filled with different flavored ring pops. It's not strawberry but it'll do." He handed me the watermelon flavored ring pop as we began to walk towards the cashier. He gave me the change and Sol and I were off to the small plaza.

    Once we arrived, I unwrapped the candy and handed it to Sol. He took it, got on one knee, and presented it to me. I looked at him and smiled. "Christy Osnola, I love you with all of my heart and I want to be with you until you don't want me anymore. Promise me that you'll stay with me until I can get you a real ring." I giggled and took the ring. "I promise that I'll stay with you until you can get me a real ring." I slipped it onto the top half of my index finger right before I kissed him. We continued on with the rest of that day, happy. I've never been this happy in my life.