i've always been scared of you.
yes,you.most of people go out when you come,they have fun and enjoy little things they think are everything,most of them love looking up at sky when you come,they see shiny stars,little kids are in bed-dreaming,travelling to places that maybe don't exist but everything seems so nice when they close their eyes.i heard my sister tell our mom how you're..what was the word she used.. oh,she said you're "beautiful" and how she enjoys you.people like you.you make them relaxed,they see chance to close their eyes and get energy for another day.
i don't think i'm one of those people.
we call you night.
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there's noise and birds are singing ,i can feel light on my eyes and around my room,fresh air coming from opened window not so far from my bed.
"tyler?" there's a knock on my door shortly before my mom comes in.
"what are you doing?" she asked.
"i just woke up" i said looking at sheets.
"baby," she came closer and sat on the edge of my bed."you didn't sleep again?"
"no mom,i really did this time"
"okay,do u want to have breakfast with us?"
"i already ate" i looked up at her.
"tyler that was last night,and your plate isn't even that empty" she says pointing at the plate full of food on my little night table.
i'm looking at her,not really knowing what to say.
"i'm sorry" i looked away for a moment then back at her. "i'll eat now"
"with us?" she sighed.
"yes." i don't know why i said it but that got her to smile a bit and get out of my room.
i fell asleep in my clothes again so i'm guessing these black skinny jeans and simple white shirt are okay for sitting with family so i just got down.
"good morning son" dad said sitting at table.
"hey bro!" my brother said tapping my shoulder.
"good morning" i sat down.
my dad gave mom some kind of look,i know he did,probably worried one.
"here baby" she said putting food in my plate.
"i can't eat all that,i'm not that hungry" i said looking up at her.
"tyler you barely eat,this is nothing" she said in a worried tone.
"okay mom"
i heard my brothers talk about some car things with dad,sister went on and on how her date was good to my mom or it was about what she will wear on the next one,i'm not really sure.i played with my fingers under table whole time till everyone started getting up so i did too and just went back to my room.
"he didn't eat anything" tyler's mom said putting plates away.
"i think we should get him another doctor"
"no honey,you know how hard was for him to get used to dr.james" she sighed.
"but he isn't going anywhere,i think it's actually getting worse"
"don't say that" she hugged him. "he will be good"
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my room started feeling too lonely today i don't even know why it usually gives me a little comfort but today not even one bit,i wasn't outside for quiet some time. i don't pretend like i want to but i can't stand these walls coming down at me,how bad can it be outside?
i put on what i usually wear,you already know for sure,just a pair of black skinny jeans and a simple black t-shirt i put my pair of vans on and grabbed my notebook with pan attached to it.
"tyler,you're going somewhere?"
"yeah mom um just outside" i said putting my jacket on in hallway.
"okay" she sounded nervous.why tho?
"are you good mom?"
"yes yes,just don't go far okay?"
"this is how we used to talk when i was 10" i said coming closer to her. "i'm not 10 mom" i kissed her cheek and went out of house.
as i walked down street to the closest park i figured "wow,i probably shoulda stayed inside my house". it all looks same,everyone are the same. i sat down on an old bench that i like for some reason,i like old things. as i opened my notebook world around me seemed to go pretty fast, everyone were rushing somewhere,no one is paying attention to anyone or anything even the ones that do actually aren't doing it,they all look lost.
"Nobody thinks what I think,
Nobody dreams when they blink,
Think things on the brink of blasphemy,"
i looked up after i wrote those lines down,i don't know what am i writing. Usually when people sit down and start something they know what it is, i'm just using this page as a place where the stomach in my brain can throw up.
"I'm my own shrink"
i looked at page hitting it gently with pen,drawing little shapes and filling them in, i probably was into it too much since i didn't notice little drops of water on my page till the whole sky didn't pour out on me. i didn't know it was going to rain.
i put my hood over my head and sat there hugging my notebook in protection, i wanted it safe.world around me got faster now,everyone are running like someone is after them. they remind me of some nights in my bed, running from-
"Think things are after me,my catastrophe"
something.
i eed to dry myself when i get hom-
"what are you doing?" i looked up.
pink haired guy with a nose ring holding a jacket above his head asked me.
"um i'm writing"
"in rain?" he looked down on my pretty wet page by now.
"is there a problem with that?" i closed it.
"no that's actually good" he was still looking at me.
"do you..need anything?" i asked him since he doesn't seem to go away.
"do you mind?" he pointed at free place next to me.
"be my guest" i bit my lip and put my notebook inside my jacket.
"you're pretty wet" he pulled me closer and put his jacket over my head too,yeah along with his arm.
"what are you doing?" i looked at him, we were pretty close and god does he have beautiful eyes.
"keeping you and your little notebook safe"
"why?" yeah tyler. that's just the right thing to say.
"you seem like you need it"
"need what?" stop it already with sounding so awkward.
"protection"
"thank you"
"whats your name rain boy?"
"tyler" i said and little laugh escaped my mouth,rain boy haha. "and you?"
"josh" a little laugh escaped his mouth too i'm not sure if it was because i laughedtoo but the smile on his face looked different than others.
