It's a bad time today,bad something.I haven't slept last night unless those 15 minutes count. It's happening and I don't know how to stop it,I hear those voices in my head and I don't even know what they're saying but they scare me so much,they talk in a weird language but I can feel power in their tone.my notebook is on the other side of the room on desk and I want to grab it so hard and write something down but they don't let me.the stabs on my arms got really bad last night which is why I haven't slept, that's when voices got so loud and my body got weaker.
I tried so hard to push covers off me and get out of bed but they got louder as I wanted to move it seemed like all this is my imagination and I just have hard time imagining myself getting out of bed but this isn't just imagination it's real.so that's what I did I fell on the floor beside bed and started pulling myself to desk by grabbing floor.
I let small whimpers of trying to pull my body and I finally grabbed my notebook sitting up against the wall using actually all energy I have left I took my pen and started writing on new page and god only knows what my handwriting looks like now.
I'm a goner,somebody catch my breath,
I'm a goner,somebody catch my breath,
I wanna be known by you
I wanna be known by you.
my hand was shaking like it wasn't mine.i can hear my piano inside my brain which is sending the tone to my ears almost as if I'm playing it even tho it's all the way in the basement.that tone in my mind is the only thing keeping me now.
Though I'm weak and beaten down,
I'll slip away into the sound,
The ghost of you is close to me,
I'm inside out,you're underneath.
my hand fell to the floor holding my pen that was now rolled away from me as I looked to the words I wrote,eyes widen I closed the notebook along with my eyes trying to breathe.
after few minutes the control over my body loosened up and I could slowly get up, as soon as I did I grabbed my phone calling him. The only person that seems real.it says that his phone is disconnected.
/josh's pov/
my parents made me go to some stupid lake with them where I don't even wanna be, they rushed me so much I forgot my charger and now I'm stuck in this lake house without tyler. i'm worried, what if he needs me? it's not like I don't need him. I'm feeling so much anxiety sitting around these people actually needing to start a conversation or something.by so far I figured we need each other to feel safe.i just wanna call him and hear his soft voice.
"josh eat something" my mom said.
"I'm not hungry" I was only looking at water.
"son this is lunch and you didn't wanna eat breakfast" my dad spoke.
"I know when I'm hungry" i've been sat at this table for too long trying to play it nice so I got up and walked to lake. I sat down on some rock and threw smaller ones into water.
"I'm worried about him"
"I'm sure he's okay honey"
"he isn't, he isn't himself"
"maybe he finally found a girlfriend?"
"or..a boyfriend?"
"what!?"
"I don't know."
"what do u mean boyfriend!?"
"he's been connected to his phone a lot lately and I hear him sometimes up at night talking to someone, he's been hanging with this boy tyler and they seem close"
"my son isn't gay!!" he hit the table.
I heard my father smack the table and I hope they're not having another fight. I tapped my knees as if I was drumming to one of tyler's lyrics.
/tyler's pov/
he hasn't been picking up my calls whole day I think I left so many messages and at this point I'm so scared. Scared of myself, of him turning off his phone to maybe avoid me, of something happening to him. One part of me believes he wouldn't avoid me because we need each other, the other part is whispering horrible things in my ear.the real me thinks josh's phone maybe just got broken or something but the other me says he just doesn't want anything to do with me.i don't know this other part of me too well,he seems blurry.
as the sun was setting down I continued the page from earlier.
I've got two faces, blurry's the one I'm not,
I've got two faces, blurry's the one I'm not,
I wrote it twice, I wanted to prove to someone that I can separate myself and whatever this blurry figure is.i need to know I'm not that,I'm me.
where are u josh?i called him again and let the phone down picking back my pen.
I need your help to take him out,
I need your help to take him out.
my body felt weak again even tho my blood was rushing like someone gave me adrenaline shot.remember the music ,remember the piano.
Though I'm weak and beaten down,
I'll slip away into the sound,
The ghost of you is close to me,
I'm inside out,you're underneath.
it's night.you came here again.i got up slowly like some force was pulling me up and I jumped out of my window I never even thought I could do that but I did.as I was walking down the street everything seemed not right,houses had weird roofs and few people had weird bodies I don't know how to describe.i looked around end everything seemed mixed,space and time. I started running towards bridge, I was scared of this place.
/josh's pov/
finally I'm home and I put my phone on charger hearing it blow up by messages and missed calls all from tyler.i opened few messages and they all said "help me" until the last one said "I'm scared,help me". i rushed out of my house as fast as I could running towards his house.
/tyler's pov/
i see bridge.lights on it are bright and it feels like a relief.i finally got onto it and stopped to catch some breath as I leaned on the fence of it.
i felt another stab into my left arm like a needle coming through my skin,this pain feels so real.
my body lost control and my mind started to blur more.i looked down at water and it was almost red.i climbed over the fence and stood on the cold concrete.
/josh's pov/
i'm losing my breath from how fast i'm running and i see the bridge meaning I'm not far from tyler's house so i ran even faster until i saw familiar figure and face.
/tyler's pov/
"tyler!" i heard voice behind me so i turned my head to side to see his pink hair.
"j..josh?" my voice cracked.
"tyler..i'm here"
"josh i can't s..see well" i looked back at red water and quickly back to side.
"i'm here tyler" he started walking towards me,i heard steps.
"don't let me be gone" i said in a clear tone so he could hear,his steps got slower.
"don't let me be gone" my voice was getting quieter,he kept getting close.
"don't let me be gone" i almost couldn't even hear myself say it this time.
"don't let me be gone" i said it as quiet as a dying man.
"DON'T LET ME BE" i screamed at top of my lungs.
"DON'T LET ME BE" i screamed again not seeing anything from tears in my eyes.
he grabbed me from behind and pulled me over fence falling on the ground with me and holding me tightly.
"I'M A GONER" i screamed from his hug. "SOMEBODY CATCH MY BREATH" he squeezed me. "I WANNA BE KNOWN BY U" i screamed again and he grabbed my face.
"tyler look at me!it's me josh!"
"I WANNA BE KNOWN BY" he squeezed my face and my eyes met his. "you" i said it quietly and he looked at me his eyes full of water,this water wasn't red.i touched his cheeks and saw water on my skin. i looked back at josh and collapsed in his arms.he leaned on fence and put me in his lap my head landed on his shoulder and i could feel his chest raising while he was breathing.he held me.
he is the only real thing i know now.
