Save Me

5

When I woke up I was in my bed alone. I feel disappointed that Jimin wasn't still here with me. For all I know I could have dreamt it all up. I roll out from under my sheets and walk into my kitchen. I grab a mug for coffee and am surprised to see another note on it.

Sorry, I had to leave, I had a morning shift today. I'll be over later (whether you like it or not.) ~Jimin

I shake my head. This kid is so persistent, he could be a telemarketer. I pour the coffee and a little bit of milk into my mug. When I'm done with that I grab my jacket and put on some shoes. Time to get out of this damn place.

   The cool morning air woke me up in ways the coffee hadn't. I walk through the streets trying to relax. I reach a little park with some trees and benches scattered about. I sit down and that's when I feel my phone vibrating in my pocket. I pull it out and stare blankly at the screen.

Incoming call from: Dad

I let it go to voicemail. He just texts me instead.

Dad: I haven't seen you in awhile, I plan on stopping by later, around 4:00

My breathing turns shallow as I imagine my dad showing up here. I haven't seen him in two years, and I don't want to break that streak. Usually, our only contact is through the money he sends me once a month for rent and groceries. His generosity though comes from his ego, not the kindness of his heart.

looks like the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

   I made sure to go to a different store than the one Jimin works at. I buy cigarettes and open them as soon as I'm outside the building.

Smoking: the slowest form of suicide.

I sit down on the steps outside my apartment building. I fish my lighter out of my pocket and light one real quick. When I'm done I pull up my jacket sleeve and put the cigarette out on my arm. The familiar burn eases my anxiety but does nothing for my growing feeling of dread. I can't avoid him, but I want to. I feel nauseous. I wasn't always this scared of him until I realized my own mortality. I'm not invincible. My mom isn't here to protect me.

coward.

I feel guilty because I know Jimin wouldn't be happy about this at all. I should have thought of him before burning myself but it's not like he cares. He just wants to play the good guy. I groan. Or maybe he is a good guy and I just have trust issues.

you're a disappointment.

I walk up the stairs to my apartment. I see my dad standing by my door, back towards me. He's here early. I quickly turn around, only to bump into Jimin instead.

   "Hey, Yoongi hyung." I tried shushing him, but my dad had already heard. He turns around to face me, a fake smile plastered on his weathered face.

"Son! Come here!"

Usually, its good to be loud. That's why I love music. It stops the silence from crushing me. But for once I wish the world was quiet....