Social Anxieties

chapter 12

Usha's Diary

I woke up from my nap after drop Alex to school. He seemed so happy after he came from Shylhet. Never saw him that confident and happy.

I didn't asked him too much what he did over there. I never push kids to talk about their experiences, conversation or outing.Infact I always encourage him find out something productive through his experience and share it with me. That will prevent him to talk about unnecessary things and motivate him to talk when need.
He told me how did he enjoy with his uncle and his team. Specially Petter was so nice to give him ice-cream treat after each meal.

I was listening and looking at the boy thinking that, may he will be happy like that for the rest of his life.

But no longer I could felt blessing as the Piercy high pitch voice of Wassi suddenly broke my peace.He  is looking at my hand! Yes,my hand, funny to say that it's 10:am morning I haven't eaten anything. There was an egg in my hand. He is upto his morning hangover which gonna stay until he got tea and get another shot of joint.

"whore, can't you get any other time to fuck arround the kitchen?"he shouted on me.

I cursed myself why didn't finish my breakfast before. I usualy walk after drop Alex to his school. It's a one and half mile distance I walk. I felt hungry long ago but I prefer to eat late so  I don't have eat before I get Alex back from his school. I told Wassi that.

"Whore! cunt!don't lie to me you bitch, I know what you did. You lier,why not you telling the truth that actually you were busy to talk why your client?"

I shut my mouth in disgust. No points to shout back. Anyway when I was searching to eat something with the egg I  found there was few cooked rice left.Which Alex will need after school and there are no rice in the pantry to cook. Wassi continue shouting,

"whore, Magi, I'm not gonna buy rice today, starve as long as you can."

I  saw a bread in the fridge. Just finished my breakfast like a caught in red hand thief with the egg and the only piece of bread.

Just prayed while eating not to waste my entire life like this.

He was standing behind the chair where I used to sit while eating .So I decide to eat faster as I can.

I was telling myself again and again

"Never give up,Never give up, Never give up."

Never give up dreaming Usha

Closed my eyes for a while to force those unwanted tears,that I have been shedding for years.

Then got ready to pick Alex from his school. Long way to go.

That's the best time of my day when I go to pick him and drop him from the school.I don't have to listen to his shout and yell.He doesn't stop yelling until I put my feet out of the door. The next moment I step outside my mind feels light as a feather .I feel so releaved for that 45 minutes. I found myself happy,set myself free. I smile to see the people on the street and the poor,normal people even a big smile on their face makes me happy and makes me feel that I am blessed. I love them. Evryday I pass by them, their places, I grew up an invisible relationship with the atmosphere. That relationship what I failed to build with Wassi.

A Melancholy feel overpowered me.