Start From Scratch (Sequel To Why Me???)

Why Am I Holding On

Two Months Later.
"Yes, we've managed to increase the profit by twenty percent." I tell my boss, Samuel. He nods understandingly, his lips pursed. Samuel is not going through the best time in his life right now. His wife wants a divorce, his mother is in the hospital, and he's fighting for his children's custody. I do whatever I can to make his day better. Therefore, I've been working day and night with this client to increase the profits. Liar! My subconscious yells at me.
"That's very good, Bella. You never fail to impress me. Good job." Samuel says, patting my shoulder. I smile at him.
"Thanks," I murmur, shutting the folder.
"Well, I'm leaving because I have to head toward the hospital. Please ensure that Mr. Harrison is well taken care of, and everyone fulfills their tasks before leaving."
"Definitely, Sir." Samuel quickens his pace and turns toward the elevators. Huffing, I head back toward my cabin. I need to go over two more files and then it'll be time to close the office. Before shutting down, I also need to ensure that everyone is fulfilling their day's tasks before exiting. Taking a sip of my coffee, I settle onto my chair and turn on my computer. A knock at the door breaks my concentration and I look up. Sabrina is standing outside, her eyes downcast. I still don't understand why she's always so shy.
"Come in, Sabrina!" I yell, diverting my gaze to my clock. I've been working for the past two hours, and it's way past closing time.
"Ma'am, everyone's waiting downstairs. Sir Samuel said that you will talk to everyone before they leave." Sabrina says, entering my cabin. I nod my head.
"I'll join you all downstairs in a couple of minutes." Sabrina exits without another word, gently shutting the door behind her. Hastily, I power off my laptop, shove it into my laptop bag, grab my car key and phone and head toward the exit. I grab my purse off the chair that's beside the door and swing it over my shoulder. As I'm waiting for the lift to arrive, I notice how the edges of my purse are fraying. I really need to buy a new one, before the bottom gives way and all of my belongings fall on the floor.
"Too much to do," I murmur to myself.
*********
"God, I hate these cliche, crappy love stories." I say, groaning, as Vicky switches off the television. She laughs at my whiny state, and gets off the couch.
"Yet you always watch them with me," Vicky says.
"That's cause you don't like thrillers, and horror movies. And those are the type of films that I love." I, too, get up and grab the bowl of popcorn from the coffee table.
"Either way, movie night with you is always fun." Vicky raises her watch-clad hand near her face and whistles when she reads the time. I roll my eyes at her. Vicky is in desperate need of glasses. However, she doesn't wear them. She's under the presumption that wearing glasses will worsen her eye sight.
"Bella, it's almost two am. I'm going," Vicky says. She grabs her purse from the floor, and comes over to hug me, and give me a kiss like she always does.
"Bye, Vicky. See you tomorrow, at six." I say, as she exits my house, shutting the door behind her with a bang. Wherever Vicky is, havoc follows. It's two am, yet I don't feel sleepy. Heck, I haven't caught a good night's sleep in months. And it's all because of him. Deciding to wash the dishes, I grab all of the dirty plates from the lounge, and head toward the kitchen. As I'm about to put soap on the sponge, my phone rings on the kitchen counter. Liam's name flashes across the screen.
"Hello." I say, putting my phone of speaker.
"Hey, Bella! One day, no talk," Liam says. I roll my eyes and laugh.
"Yeah, one whole day, Liam. It feels like years."
"Agreed. But what to do, I couldn't have sent someone else to Phuket."
"So, the deal's done?" I ask, wiping my arm across my forehead to push my hair back.
"Yeah, done and sealed. It went pretty smoothly, considering someone was with us." He scoffs, but my hands stop what they're doing.
"I'm sorry, I brought him up. It slipped." Liam says, noticing the silence on my end.
"It's okay," I shrug my shoulders. "Talking about him doesn't effect me anymore." Liar!
"We've been closer than ever before, Bella, and I thought that we never lied to each other. Looks like that has changed." Disappointing is evident in Liam's tone.
"We don't...I just don't like showing people that I'm weak."
"I'm 'people' now? I thought that I was your best friend."
"You are! God, Liam, you know exactly what I mean, so stop grilling me."
"Yeah, I do and I also think that it's about time you move on."
"I'm content with being single. Saves me the hassle of boyfriends, heartbreaks, and love." I shudder at the sound of the last word. I hate that word.
"That's because other lovers, heart breakers and boyfriends aren't right for you."
"Even if they aren't, what can I do? The one that I thought was right for me, turned out to be a lying, mean, screwed up son of a bitch!" The tiny glass bowl in my hand breaks, sending shards of glass into my hands. "Shit!"
"What happened?" Liam asks me, concerned.
"Nothing, glass."
"Oh, God, did you cut yourself? I'm coming over right now!" The line goes dead before I have the chance to put up an argument. There's no way I'll be able to stop Liam from being Superman, so I start picking out the shards that are wedged into my skin. Pain is something that I am immune to. I've burnt myself, and I haven't felt the pain. I've cut myself before with a knife, and I didn't feel a thing. I even fire walked one day in Malaysia, and I didn't feel a thing. When there's a hole in your heart that hurts like hell, the rest of your body tunes out to the pain. It's like how some people have snake venom since they're children and then when they're adults, they're immune to it. That's my scenario. I pluck out the shards of glass and throw them in the dustbin. My hand is cut, and dripping with blood. I watch as drops fall into the dustbin, and on the floor. In less than ten minutes, I hear the front door opening, and footsteps shuffling near the hallway.
"I'm here, Bella! Where are you?!" Liam yells, and I hear his boots hitting the wooden floor of my recently bought apartment.
"In the kitchen!" I yell back, moving away from the dustbin, holding out my bleeding hands. I head over toward the sink and turn on the faucet, letting the cold, crystal clear water flow over my hands.
"Bloody hell, what the fuck did you do?!" Liam yells, grabbing my hands. I wince as he presses too hard. "God, I'm sorry! Shit!"
"It's okay," I mumble.
"Bella, you're destroying yourself." Liam says, shaking his head in disappointment.
"Stop critiquing me all the time." I say, pulling my hands away from his. I head back toward the lounge to grab the first aid kit, and wrap a bandage around my hands.
"I'm not criticizing you. I'm stating a fact." Liam says, following behind me.
"That's not a fact!" Liam always gets on my nerves when he shifts the conversation to me.
"Give me your bloody hands, Bella, and shut the fuck up." Liam scolds, beating me to the cupboard where I keep the first aid kit. He takes the box toward the couch and motions for me to come over.
"Don't stain the couch with antiseptic and blood." I grumble, as I take a seat in front of Liam. I don't even flinch once as Liam applies antiseptic on my hands and then bandages them.
"Okay, now we talk." Liam says, placing the kit on the coffee table. "You're suicidal, Bella." I scoff, shaking my head.
"I'm not," I say. "You just think that."
"Oh, so bungee jumping, fire walking, swimming with sharks. All of that isn't suicidal at all, I know." Liam says, sarcasm dripping from his tone. "You started bleeding in that tank full of sharks because you cut yourself underwater. Who does that? Who cuts themselves underwater?"
"A lot of people do." I can't meet Liam's eyes because in some part of my mind, I know that he's right. Liam and I have never been closer, so I know that he will be able to read the lie in my eyes if I meet his gaze.
"Move on, Bella. Harry, doesn't care anymore and it's time that you don't either." Ouch! That hurt.
"He doesn't care at all?" I mumble, not wanting to show that I still care. I have too big of an ego.
"No, he doesn't. He has had ten to twelve girlfriends in the past two months. Ten to twelve! Harry probably hasn't even thought about you once." What Liam just said is no surprise for me. However, it does feel like a slap to the face. I sigh, closing my eyes and take another deep breath. I always ask myself this question and I'll ask myself again; Why the fuck am I holding onto all of those memories that Harry and I have? Why the heck am I holding onto a relationship that was doomed since it began?