A big thunderstorm outside... this is great. And Bobby even volunteered to go get more booze.
"Where's Bobby?" Sam asks as he walks into the room.
"In town, supply run." I say.
"In this?"
"Yeah, man's a hero. We were officially out of hunter's helper." Dean says as he lifts up an empty whiskey bottle.
"Hello all. You've seen 'the Godfather', right?" Balthazar appears.
"Balthazar..." Dean says.
"You know, the end, where Michael Corleone sends his men to kill his enemies in one big, bloody swoop?" Balthazar finds a container of salt and pours it into a bowl on Bobby's desk.
"Hey!"
"'Dead sea brine'. Good, good, good. You know, Moe Greene get it in the eye and Don Cunei gets it in the revolving door?"
"I said 'hey'."
"You did twice. Good for you. Blood of lamb. Blood of lamb" He goes to Bobby's fridge. "Beer, cold pizza, Blood of lamb. Yes! Blood of lamb!"
"Why are you talking about the Godfather?" Sam asks.
"Because we're in it, right now, tonight. And in the role of Michael Corleone, the archangel Raphael."
"You mind telling us what you mean?" I ask.
"No, no, no, no. No, no, no, no." Balthazar empties the contents of Bobby's desk drawer. "Yes. Bone of a lesser saint. This vertebra will do very nicely. Your Mr. Singer does keep a beautiful pantry."
"Wait, Raphael is after you?" Dean asks. Balthazar is mixing together ingredients.
"Raphael is after all of us. You see, he's consolidated his strength. And now he's on the move."
"And where's Cas?" Sam asks.
"Oh, Cassie? He is deep, deep underground. So, good old Raffy put out a hit list on every last Samaritan who helped our dear Cas, including both of you. And so much more importantly me. See, he wants to draw Cas out in the open."
"And you expect us to just believe you?" I ask.
"Oh don't. You'll go where I throw you either way."
"What's the supposed to mean?" Dean asks. There's lightning flashing.
"That's all the time we have, gentlemen and lady." Balthazar opens his jacket to reveal a bloodstain on his side. "Where is it?" He draws a symbol on the window.
"Whoa. What happened there?" I ask.
"Oh. Garish, I know. You see, uncle Raffy sent one of his nastiest to handle me. I'm flattered, actually. And down a lung at the moment, but that's all right." He hands Sam some keys. "Oh, here's for you."
"What am I supposed to do with this?" Sam asks.
"Run with it?" Balthazar gets thrown across the room as another angel appears. "Virgil. I said run!" He uses his angel magic to push us through the window with the blood symbol and we land...on a...mattress?
"Cut!" A man yells. There's cameramen and other people walking around. Where the hell are we?
"Real good solid fall. Way to go." A guy says as he walks past us.
"Jared, Jensen, Danneel! Outstanding! That was just great." The man who yelled 'cut' says.
"Supernatural, scene one echo, take one. Tail slate. Marker!" Another guy yells.
"So... No angels?" Sam asks.
"No angels, I think." Dean says.
"Should we be killing anybody?" I ask.
"I don't think so."
"Running?" Sam asks.
"Where?" I ask. Sam picks up a piece of the broken window, it wobbles back and forth...that's clearly not real glass.
"Moving on! That's a wrap on Jared, Jensen and Danneel!" A guy yells.
"Who the hell are-" Sam starts saying.
"Jared, Danneel! Three minutes, okay? Great." A woman grabs Sam and I and drags us off to the side.
"Where are we going?" Dean asks as he starts following us but he gets taken to a different area by someone else.
"Trish Evian here with Jared Padalecki and Danneel Ackles from TV's Supernatural. So, guys, season six. I look over my shoulder at another set that looks like Bobby's panic room.
"What?" Sam asks.
"You beat the devil, lost your souls, and got them back again. So tell us, what's next for Sam Winchester and Ashlee Cohen?"
"Look, I-I-I, we really don't-"
"Oh and if you could include the question in your answer? Thanks." This Trish chick interrupts me. Sam and I both have a nervous laugh. We rush through the interview then I drag Sam to go meet up with Dean.
"Hey." Sam says.
"Dude, they put freakin' makeup on us! Those bastards!" Dean says.
"Look, I think I know what this is." Sam says.
"Okay. What?"
"It's a tv show."
"You think?" I ask.
"Yeah, I mean, here, wherever 'here' is, this... twilight zone Balthazar zapped us into. For whatever reason, our life is a tv show."
"Why?" Dean asks.
"I don't know."
"No, seriously. Why? Why would anybody want to watch our lives?"
"Well, I mean, according to that interviewer, not very many people do. Look, I'm not saying it makes sense. I'm just saying, we -- we landed in some dimension where you're Jensen Ackles, Ash is a 'Danneel Ackles and I'm something called a 'Jared Padalecki'."
"So, what, now you're polish? And are me and Ash married? Is any of this making any sense to you?" We walk out of the studio and see the impala. "Oh, hey, at least my baby made it." A guy starts flinging mud onto the windshield. "Hey. Hey! What-" We look around the lot and there's 3 more impalas. "I feel sick. I'm gonna be sick. I want to go home. I feel like this whole place is bad-touching me."
"Yeah, I know. Me too. So, what do you think? Cas?" I ask.
"He's our best shot, if he's still alive. Dear Castiel, who art maybe running his ass away from heaven, we pray that you have your ears on. So... Breaker, breaker..." Dean says. We start looking around for him. And we see him a short distance away. "Cas? Cas! Hey, Cas! Oh, thank god." We run up to him. "What is all this, huh? What did Balthazar do to us?"
"To keep you out of Virgil's reach, he's cast you into an alternate reality, a universe similar to ours in most respects yet dramatically different in others." Cas says.
"Like bizarro earth, right? Except instead of having Bizarro Superman, we get this clown factory." I say.
"Um... Yeah, well... Anyway, no time to explain. Do you have they key?" Sam reaches into his pocket and gives Cas the key.
"Yeah. So, uh, what does this thing do anyway?" Sam asks.
"It opens a room."
"What's in the room?" Dean asks.
"Every weapon Balthazar stole from heaven."
"He gave it to us?" I ask.
"To keep it safe until I could reach you. With those weapons, I have a chance to rally my forces."
"Oh. Okay, good. Yeah. So, now, uh, what's the deal with this tv crap?"
"Pardon?" Cas asks.
"Yeah. Amen, Padaleski." Dean says.
"Uh, 'lecki'." Sam corrects.
"What?" I ask.
"Lecki. Pretty sure."
"Man." Cas says as he pulls out a script. "Did they print out new pages?"
"New what?" I ask.
"I mean, is this some kind of cosmic joke?" Sam asks.
"Yeah, because if it is, it's stupid and we don't get it."
"Yeah." Sam and I say.
"Are you guys okay?" Dean grabs the script from Cas.
"Give me that. What is... these are words in a script. This isn't Cas." Dean says.
"Dude, look at him." Sam says. He starts unbuttoning his white dress shirt to reveal a regular graphic Tee underneath.
"You guys want to run lines, or...?" 'Cas' asks.
"His name's Misha. Misha?" Dean says.
"Oh wow. Just... Great." We start walking away.
"Misha? Jensen? What's up with the names around here?"
"You guys! You really punked me! I'm totally gonna tweet this one." Misha calls after us.
"I want to dig my finger in my brain and scratch until we're back in Kansas." I say. We start walking past trailers.
"Hey. 'J. Ackles'." Sam says as he stops at one of the doors.
"That's fake me!"
"Yeah." I say.
"This must be fake mine." We walk inside. The looks really luxurious. "Dude, I have a helicopter!" There's a toy helicopter sitting on the table as soon as you walk in.
"Oh, alright. Who puts a 300-gallon aquarium in their trailer?" Sam asks. There's a giant fish tank in here too.
"Apparently Jensen Ackles."
"Huh." Sam says as he sits at the table and opens up the laptop that's there. "Alright, here we go. Let's see who this guy is."
"Well, he's not a hunter, but he plays one on tv." I say looking around the trailer. There's a magazine with the 3 of us on the front cover that I find. "Come on. Look at you male-modelin' sons of bitches. Nice blue steel Sam."
"Hey. Apparently it's your job. Alright, uh, here goes. Um... It says you're from Texas. You two are in fact married." Sam says.
"Really?" Dean asks as he gives me a look, making me giggle.
"Yeah. And, uh... Oh. Says you were on a soap opera."
"What?" Me and Dean walk over to watch over Sam's shoulder. Sam plays a clip from 'Days of Our Lives'.
"If I didn't have cancer, and I wasn't married, and I had plenty of money... Would you -- would you want to run away with me?" The chick on the show says.
