*Alicia POV
I apologize in advance for my rambling thoughts
Sometimes I think back to when life was more defined, and when I say defined, I mean in terms of clarity. I think back to when Phil and I were together, before the madness. Back to when our biggest worry involved which Walking Dead episode we were to rewatch or arguing about which pizza place to order from (we had very different opinions). But then maybe that wasn't actually my reality. The reality has hit me hard lately. And that is that we are separated, have a beautiful daughter; Autumn, and are both dating other people at the moment. I had to stop thinking in terms of fantasy. Obviously in a perfect world, I would still be Mrs. Brooks. We would still be living together but with out beautiful daughter Autumn. But things happen. I guess that is what I am getting at. Things happen for a reason-cliche I know. But I am with Randy for a reason. I am madly in love with this man who treats me like a queen day in and day out. Do I still love Phil? Of course I do. How could I not still love the man I married and father to the being I love most on this earth? But things work out the way they do and I can't go back into the past and change them, but only focus on the future.
We all long to love and to be loved.
Right now I am fulfilling both of those things. However sometimes I wonder about the "what ifs" and I know those can kill you. But then I look over at my daughter in the arms of my boyfriend who loves her so much. And I think maybe this is exactly where I should be.
I put my journal away as randy but a sleepy autumn into her crib for the night.
"Hi my love," I whispered as I buried my face in his neck.
"Hi Leigh," he said, kissing my forehead.
"I love you so very much Randy. I am eternally grateful to have someone like you in my life."
"Leigh you are so important to me. I love our crazy life here and I love autumn more than words," he said as he gripped my hands.
"You are an absolute gem."
It seemed like my doubts that I scribbled into my journal could find ease in the very pits of my mind, silenced for now. Everything was yelling me this was where I should be.
"How did I get so lucky?" I asked with a smile as I lay next to the man I love.
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