The Consequences of Hell Week (Blue Ridge)

Chapter 33: Graduation

"Oh Sienna I can't believe you're graduating today," my mother's eyes started to fill and overflow with tears.

"Mom it's going to be okay. I'm only going to be a state away," I assured her as I put on my graduation gown and let her adjust my cap on my head so she could keep her shaking hands busy.

"I know I know. You probably think I'm being silly, but you're my only baby, and you're leaving. I'm not ready to be an empty nester," my mother wiped the tears as she hid her face behind the camera. She gestured to my father as she muttered, "come on now I want a picture of my daughter and her dad on her big day."

"Humor her today with all the pictures. She's going to be emotional because she loves you. These next few months aren't going to be easy on her," my dad whispered in my ear as we posed for my mother.

"So she's the only one that's going to miss me?" I asked as I smiled until my cheeks hurt.

"It'll be a tough contest for who is going to miss you more. No matter how old you get you'll always be my little girl," my dad encased me in one of those absorbing hugs only a father can give.

"Don't worry, we have all summer," I assured him.

"I heard through the grapevine that Turner unfortunately does not. How are you doing?" my dad seemed genuinely concerned.

"I'm doing alright. I just don't know how to approach this whole thing," I admitted.

"Do you love him?" my dad's question caught me off guard.

"To be completely honest, I don't know. It's a little early for me to figure that all out. I think one day I could love him, but now I feel like I don't have the chance."

"It's not something you can plan for. One day you'll just know," my dad echoed Kristen's words from a few days before. All these people who were in love seemed to love that "you'll know" phrase, but it really wasn't helpful in the slightest.

It occupied my mind as we drove to the school. I didn't have a chance to talk to any of my friends before we had to line up to enter the gym.

As the graduation song penetrated the ears of every parent, sibling, grandparent, and friend of the four hundred people in my graduating class, I walked down the center aisle next to some girl I had never spoken to in the past four years. Four years in the same building surrounded by the same people and not a word had passed between us. Odds are I would never see her again. I whispered 'congratulations' as we parted to find our seats. One word was better than none I suppose.

I listened to our valedictorian recount a mere handful of the memories we had made as a class the past four years. I watched as familiar and unfamiliar faces walked across that stage and received a piece of paper that couldn't even begin to summarize all of our hard work, late nights, early mornings, dedication, and memories from the past four years.

It wasn't long before they reached the C portion of the alphabet and I was in line behind Mason: waiting. Waiting for my two seconds of the ceremony. Waiting for the moment where it would truly all be over.

With the inevitability of change ringing in my ears, I watched my best friend walk across the stage with the biggest grin on his face as they announced where he would be attending college and that he would be snowboarding there in the fall.

When they announced the same for me I briefly scanned the crowd to see the look of pride on my parents' faces and Turner smiling with pure happiness for me. I've said it before and I'll say it again, how lucky I am to have someone who finds such happiness in my happiness because that's what love is isn't it? Pure selfless excitement for another person's highs in life and support even at their lows. Boy did I wish it was that simple.

Before I could take it all in, I was back in my seat with my tassel hanging on the opposite side of my cap. It swung back and forth slowly until it came to a silent halt. I watched Jayden and Kristen walk across the stage and laughed as Jayden hugged our principle after she handed him his diploma. Boy was I going to miss them.

It wasn't too long before Turner approached the stage.

"We are particularly proud to announce that Turner Sorenson will be serving our country in the Marines next year. Thank you, Turner, for your service," our principle announced. I watched with tears in my eyes as every person in that gym stood and gave Turner a standing ovation. I clapped so hard my hands started to sing, but I wasn't about to stop. I watched as Turner saluted the crowd, diploma in hand, with tears glistening in his eyes.

I was so proud of him for being so selfless, and deep down wished I could be as genuinely good of a person as he was. A part of me, a large part or me, was happy for him, truly I was, but the fact that I wasn't completely happy for him like he was for me made me hate myself a bit.

I wanted more than twenty four hours. I wanted more than a summer. I wanted time. I wanted time, but time can't be bought or bartered for, and even if it could, what did I have to offer time?

It was a nice ceremony. I mean expecting it to culminate the past four years in a satisfactory way was setting the bar a little out of reach, but it was nice. I watched as all of the caps sailed into the air and landed forgotten on the ground as everyone filed out of the gym.

I was standing outside waiting for my parents, enjoying the unusually warm May day, when someone walked up behind me and placed one of the fallen caps on my head.

"That was amazing and you deserved every second of it. This town is behind you all the way. I'm so proud to know you," I stared up into his green eyes hoping he was equally as proud of himself.

"Thanks Si. I'm going to miss you," he rested his chin on the top of my head as he hugged me.

"I can't believe you leave tomorrow morning. I know we've been putting it off and I don't want to kill the mood, but what about us?"

"I've been debating with myself for weeks, and this isn't what I want, but I can't ask you to wait for me Si. I don't know how often I'll be able to come home, and even when I am home you'll most likely be away at school. You can't put your life on hold for years especially when college is such an amazing way to meet new people. I don't want to hold you back. I can't hold you back because I'd hate myself for it," the fact that Turner's eyes subtly started to fill with tears was a slap in the face. It meant this was the goodbye.

"So you're making this decision for us? I don't get an opinion? You're breaking up with me, but playing the martyr saying you're doing this for me. If you don't want to be with me just say it," I hated the way my voice cracked. This wasn't how this conversation was supposed to go.

"Damn it Sienna of course I want to be with you, but being with you while not being with you is too damn hard. And I don't want to hold you back from meeting someone who's going to be around. Stop chucking the bullshit flag in my face," Turner ripped his cap off and ran his hands through his hair in frustration.

"You never even asked me if I wanted to try. Why do you always have to default to pushing people away? You say you want to be with me, but you're too scared to try, so you're giving up on me. You're giving up on us Turner and hiding behind this 'I'm doing what's best for you' act like this is some scene from a movie. You're ending it. You can't blame this on me," I took a step back as the tears trailed down my face.

"I would fight back, try and explain it to you, but what's the point. We're out of time," Turner, never the vocal type, just walked away.

He was right.

We were out of time.

Such bad timing you two.  What happens now???  Comment your predictions and thoughts and don't forget to vote!