Scarred (Scorching Soldier's #1)

Part 3

"When did you stop caring? he asked.
When did you start noticing? she replied."
- Lang Leav  

____________
CHAPTER 3
____________

GAGE

Leaving the house always puts me in a bad fuckin' mood. I had to go to the pharmacy to collect cream to stop my scars from itching, which requires a trip to the outside world. My anger singes my inside, but I've always been told that I hide it well. I have a good poker face, meaning people don't know how much their stares piss me off. In any case, I'm always glad to be home.

I step into my house and see Serena's shoes at thrown across the landing. I had told Serena that I wouldn't be home all day, mentioning bluntly before she left for work that I'd be going to the gym after my trip to the pharmacy and probably wouldn't be back until the evening. 

I had decided to skip the gym today, however, the bad mood making me more anti-social than anything, and the gym was always too fucking busy. It was routine that Serena would be at work, so the appearance of her shoes is not what I was expecting. The pair of trainers at the bottom of the stairs however make me wonder if I hadn't seen this scenario coming. 

I stride upstairs, careful not to make any sound. I already knew what I would find, but I wanted to find them off guard. My heart hurts and I feel my eyes burning again. Fuck me and my emotions. Stop being such a pussy, man. I take a deep breath and stand outside of the closed door. I can hear the bed creaking. God, I'd expected it but hadn't thought it would hurt this much. She's with another man.

Was she facing him as she rode him? Did she look into his eyes as she brought herself to orgasm? Was there pure love painted across her face as she screamed out his name? That's what our love-making was like before I'd gone to war, before the incident. Has she found all of that with another man? I push open the door and all of my thoughts are clarified.

Serena looks over her shoulder towards the door that I'd swung open, shock on her face. Her hair is dishevelled. The guy under her looks over to me too, and I'm unsure if the shock is due to my unexpected presence or because of my scars. I don't know. Can't distinguish the two. I want both of them out of my house.

"Gage. Th-this isn't what you thin-" I don't want to hear it. Somehow I don't rip the guy that's under her and punch his face until it swells with scars, too.

"You both need to go." My voice is strangled. I wish I could put on a front right now but I'm fuckin' hurt. I'd told this woman I'd loved her. I thought she'd never betray me. I thought this was the woman I was going to marry and spend the rest of my life with, through thick and thin. But circumstances have changed. I get that.

"G-Gage, please baby." She jumps off of the reclining body, and he makes an effort to find his clothes as deftly a possible. I turn away from the scene so I don't have to see. "Please just hear me out. I never wanted to hurt you. It's just that I've been under a lot of strain with what you've been going through. It's been h-hard. You're different to how you were before, and I just wanted something to take my mind off things..."

"I understand, Serena." I swallow. "I just don't want it to be true. I don't want to walk in my home and have it shoved down my fuckin' throat."

"Baby, I'm sorry! Gage, I-I still love you."

It's all lies. Fuck, it's so hard to trust anyone. "You don't have to lie to me Serena. I understand." I do. How could she love me now? I'm ugly. And the things that I've seen make me hollow inside.

"I just need time t-to get used to you like... this." I hear the pause, making me screw my face in disgust.

"I can save you the time. Please jus- just do me a favour and GET. OUT. OF. MY. HOUSE!" My voice crescendos, finally losing control of my temper.

I can hear her sniffling. I can't bear to listen to it for a second longer. I storm to the guest room at the end of the hallway instead, slamming the door and needing to punch something. The wall. I slam my fist into the hard plane and the throb starts in my knuckles. It hurts like fuck. I like it. It's physical, instead of this emotional shit I've been going through lately. A couple of minutes later I hear the front door shut. I shove my swollen hand through my hair, wincing as the cuts sting when the strands press against the wound.

This is my life now. I curse and kick the bedside table and wonder how my life has turned upside down. Everything that I've loved is leaving me. I've lost so much. I guess I need to get used to it.