Scarred (Scorching Soldier's #1)

Part 12

"Before I met you I wanted to be dead all the time.
I still do because of the, you know, mental illness
but now that you're here I don't want to 'want to die' anymore."
- Me, But Happy, Neil Hilborn

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CHAPTER 12
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ZOEY

"Do you want me?" I ask him. The sensation in the pit of my stomach hopes that he does, and the heat I feel exuding from his body has me filling with want.

Seeing his nervous expression turn into a syrup-sweet and burning stare of need, my abdomen tightens. And when his arms surround my waist, my breath sticks in my throat. I've been kissed before, but never by anyone so overpowering as Gage. The apologeticness of his rough display of attraction is misplaced - I like the feel of him taking my lips. I tell him this. And his response is to kiss me again. I fall back into the bliss.

When he pulls away, which is a long while after, he rolls me with him so I stay tucked between his arm and side. My mouth is sore, partly because of the stubble that rubbed against my face during our coupling. My hand lands on his chest, comfortably. I feel the life in him. Feel his heartbeat that races at a high rate after our kiss, much like mine does.

We look back to the stars, that seem a little brighter. The sound of our soft breaths hangs heavy amongst the chirping of hidden fireflies.

"I like this." My words are hushed.

"So do I, sweetheart" Gage replies, words that are significantly more relaxed compared to the rest of the evening.

"And I... I really like you."

He stays silent, and the lack of response peaks my own heart rate further. I can't tell what he's thinking - perhaps he only kissed me because he was feeling vulnerable and wanted to forget? Maybe I was just a vessel for him to lose himself. I loosen myself from his grip on my waist and sit up.

"Zoey..." he sighs and raises himself to lean on his forearms.

"You do deserve better, Gage. I really believe that. And I know how hard things have been for you. I just wish you'd let me in. Wish that you'd let me be there for you."

His eyes burn into mine. It's intense. I watch his jaw clench, skin pulling taut. "When I was in the hospital after being in combat, I was alone. My girlfriend couldn't stay in the same room as me. Couldn't look at me without crying. My friends were all facing their own battles in the hospital. My dad didn't know what to say to me - my mom had just died a few months before, he was spiralling. It's just weird not being alone. I've gotten used to it."

His story pulls at my heart. "Well, you're not alone anymore. Everyone wants to help you. Closing yourself from everyone, distancing yourself, can only get you so far."

He shakes his head. "I don't know why you care."

"I don't know why you don't care about yourself more," I whisper. Lift to kiss his scarred cheek. He flinches but doesn't move away.

He looks at me. Really looks at me. I lean into the hand that lifts to cup my cheek. "I'll try. And for what it's worth - I really like you, too."

I grin, a bubbling feeling settling in the pit of my stomach. I can see that he's trying, and that's all I can ask. Heat surmises once again as he guides my lips to his, groaning at the contact of our skin.

Once we separate, he pulls me back to his side, planting another brief kiss to the top of my head.

"Do you think it's too soon?" I mumble, the nerves of what we've just began fully hitting me.

"Too soon?"  

"I only met you four weeks ago. Do you think we're moving too fast?"

His voice grows steady and serious. The luxe grumble of his words ripple through my body, and I can tell the genuine meaning to them. "I think that time is too fragile to wonder if things move to fast."

We look back to the wide sky. "I get what you mean about our problems being miniature on the scale of the whole world while looking into space."

"It's even better with binoculars," he says, turning to drag the bags behind us a little closer so he can rummage through them to find it. He hands me the small black object.

"I don't even know what I'm looking for."

"It's about the season for a meteor shower, I think. Not sure if it's today, but I'm pretty sure it's sometime this month. Look for the shooting stars."

"Do you know much about the constellations?" I didn't really know how people could paint out shapes out of the arrangement of stars - there were too many. I prefer to look at it all as a whole.

"I know a few, might be a bit difficult to point them out to you."

"A plan for the future?"

Gage sighs deeply, air from his lungs creating a breeze through my hair. "I'll teach you how to read the stars, one day, sweetheart."