Paper Flowers (Pretty Plastic People) ★

017. Out in the Open

017. Out in the Open

At Aquino High, getting the upper hand has been rooted into everyone.

For a few seconds we all just sit in silence. I run my fingers over the couch cushions, feeling the slightly rough fabric pressed against my nerve endings. None of the girls around me look like they know what to say, either—it's one thing to promise that we'll talk, that maybe things will change, but completely another to actually do anything.

My thoughts trace back to Taylor without my permission, how today's nightmare had started because I'd been selfish. I'm the one in the wrong, so it's up to me to speak first.

"I'm sorry," I finally manage, my hands falling still. They're the hardest two words to ever come out of my mouth. I never apologize; to me it feels like admitting weakness, to surrendering.

Brynn's hand presses more firmly on my shoulder, and her presence makes me feel better.

"I've been a terrible friend and a terrible sister." When Allison looks up at me her eyes are still watery, so I take a deep breath and continue. "All I've thought about is myself the last few weeks. Allison, I've felt threatened by you for years now and the stress from the end of the year and graduation has just been weighing on me even more. It's no excuse but it's true."

My eyes shift to Brynn. "I have to words to explain how sorry I am that you found out about Taylor the way you did. I shouldn't have even tried to convince myself that we could be together."

There they are—the tears that I'm so used to, falling hard and fast down my cheeks. They make my skin sticky and drip onto my lap, staining my jeans.

"I'm sorry, too," Allison pipes up. She too looks anxious about apologizing, but her eyes are open and genuine. "I've been terrible to you—to all of you."

"We let one event get in the way of all of our friendship," says Brynn. Her hand has dropped from my shoulder and now she's clenching her fingers together, wringing them and flexing them nervously. I can tell that she's thinking back to what happened last summer, to the moment she walked inside Taylor's room and saw him there. It must be hardest of all for her to move on, and yet she's the one who hasn't stooped to revenge or hate. I have no excuse.

"Why don't we just try to make up and move on?" Cassidy asks. "We used to all be so close, and look what happened. I mean, the guys have all managed to stay friends. Why can't we move past it, too?"

Tears start to fall down Allison's cheeks faster. "Because I did the unspeakable. Because Taylor wasn't just your boyfriend, Brynn. He's—he's related to me and I didn't even know it. Stepbrother, twin—I don't know how, but it doesn't matter. I can't get past the fact that I'm a monster."

"No, you're not!" I remember what Taylor told me earlier, what had fogged out of my memory when he'd started kissing me. "You aren't related to Taylor. I swear. His dad's first wife had an affair and had you. Then he remarried and had Taylor. You guys don't even have the same parents."

There's a spark in her eyes now. I try not to look at Brynn and Cassidy, afraid that if I see their shocked expressions I won't have the nerve to finish explaining. "Your mom—she must have given you up for adoption knowing that Taylor's dad wasn't yours. It sucks, but isn't it better than being related to Taylor?"

Chewing down on her lip, she says, "It depends on what way you look at it. On one hand, it makes sense. I mean, have you looked at Taylor and me lately? We're about polar opposites when it comes to appearance. But it means my mom was unfaithful, that she didn't even want me."