Paper Flowers (Pretty Plastic People) ★

036. Disappear

036. Disappear

At Aquino High, nobody is ever safe.

The ceiling lights in Taylor's living room blind me, so I squeeze my eyes shut.  It feels nice to embrace the darkness, a gentle blanket of colorless, shapeless peace.  I hear Taylor's muted footsteps on the carpet and then the rattling of the curtains but don't open my eyes.

"See?" he asks me, and I glance over to see him shutting the blinds.  "Nobody can see in.  Relax, all right?"

As he walks towards me I squint in the direction of the window, making sure there aren't any cracks or crevices the curtains have missed.  He sits down on the couch next to me, curling an arm around me and pulling me into his chest.

"What's the plan for tonight?" I ask.  "That we pretend there's absolutely nothing wrong?  We have a stalker, Taylor.  Shouldn't we be doing more to figure out who it is?"

His fingers trace circles on my shoulders and I know he's trying to distract me.  "Just try to not think about it for a little while, okay?  Obsessing about it isn't going to help."

I roll my eyes but he leans closer, his nose brushing my cheek.  "My parents aren't coming home tonight.  Let's not talk about this until tomorrow."

As much as I tell myself not to turn towards him, there's an inexplicable pull.  I've barely processed the warning before I instinctively move so that I can see him more clearly.  His wide, dark eyes are trained on my own, watching me intently as he waits for a response.  It takes everything in me to glance away long enough to make sure the curtains are still firmly shut.

"Okay."

I expect him to kiss me firmly and without hesitation like he always does, but something's shifted between us.  Instead his hand comes carefully up to the back of my neck and pulls me, shortening the distance between us.  I never expected his touch could be this gentle.

We're a breath apart when he presses his forehead against mine and asks, "You sure?"

The only thing I think is away.  I have to get away from anything and everything else.

"Yes."

That's all it takes.  The tenderness is gone and now his lips are pressed so tightly against mine that I can feel every inch of them, and then his tongue and his hands which are everywhere, creating tangles in my hair and tugging at the hem of my t-shirt.  It's sudden and overwhelming but also exactly what I need, because suddenly the only thing I find myself worrying about is how I'll get even closer to him.

On top of everything I also feel relieved: relieved that we're alone, relieved that I don't have to worry about anyone walking in on us, relieved that the window is blocked and it's just me and him in this house.  I feel safe for the first time in weeks.

~*~*~

The sun, which had already been setting when we arrived, has disappeared completely by the time my surroundings slowly seep back into my consciousness.  Suddenly I can't tell if I regret my recklessness or not.  There's no denying that I would have never put myself in this position before the situation with my blackmailer.  Old Erika would have told me that losing my virginity was sacred, important, and needed to be planned out just like everything else in my life.  Does this mean that my blackmailer is affecting me more than I realize? 

Maybe Taylor can tell that I'm not completely present anymore, because he grabs his shirt from the floor and shrugs into it.  Then he stoops down and picks up everything else, handing me my rumpled clothes in a tangled pile.