Breathing In

12

At home, I flop on my bed, tired and just generally out of it. I lay on my bed staring at the ceiling, until my dad comes in.

"Hey, I didn't see you at the funeral." He says. It doesn't sound very suspicious. but I get nervous nyways.

"Oh, well... I um... I was, um, I was, GOING TO THE bathroom? Yeah bathroom. They were some of the most beautiful I have ever seen..." In my nervousness I start stammering. My dad looks at me.

"Are you okay?" He asks.

"Me? Oh, yeah, I'm fine. Just dandy..." I say, trailing off. My head is swirling in the clouds, and all I can hear is the shadow of the words Curt Astroe told me.

"Well, Becca. I was thinking, you know, since it's almost Christmas-" Suddenly, I realize that my dad is sitting on my bed. The one who is actually good.

"I know." I say.

"You know... what?" My dad asks. He looks a little scared, but confident enough. He tries hard to look neutral.

"I know that Charlie died because of the cancer cure, and you took the cure to save him. I do not know, though, if I believe you did it for selfless reasons." As I tell him what I know, I realize that I have accepted it. I have told two people already that I do, and before, I thought that it was just so I could make them feel better, or so I could surprise them, but I realize now that I actually believe it. Not for the first time this day, I feel big wet tears streak down my face. My dad looks relieved, though, when he hears my words.

"Oh. Where did you hear that?" He asks. Suddenly angry, he asks, "Did James..."

"No, of course not." I say.

"Then who told you..." He asks, and again, I feel scared that he'll know who told me. But then again, Curt Astroe supposedly works for my father.

"Oh, just one of your employee's, Curt Astroe." I say, trying to appear nonchalant.

"Short, stubby, brown haired fellow?" He asks.

"What? No, he was tall and had dark hair." I say. Obviously my dad has confused Curt with someone else.

"Did Curt Astroe tell you that your uncle died because he was exposed to harmful chemicals?" My dad asks, suspiciously. What could he want from me? I already knew the big secret, so he should be explaining it more to me.

"Yeah. Why is that such a big deal?" I ask.

"Well, at least it wasn't a lie." he mutters under his breath, and with that, leaves me to ponder life in my room. I feel like I am always left out. Even James knew why Charlie died, and I'm Charlie's niece.

I'm listening to the soft sound of my dad's feet trod down the stairs, when I hear another set coming up. I hear voices in the hall, but they are too quiet to hear. I get up from my bed so I can hear them, and I almost run into Char on the top of the stairs.

"Hey! Becca, I was just talking to your dad, and I think we should decorate for Christmas. Put up a tree and everything. Maybe we can get James to help."

"Oh, so that's what you've been doing since we got home. No wonder I haven't heard any music blaring from your room." I say, teasingly. Char grins right back at me.

"Oh, and you're the one to talk. I remember when you first started going out with Josh, you two-"

"We two what?" Josh asks as he slides in between me and Char to get to his room, but pauses to talk to us.

"Oh, nothing." I say, and my face falls. I remember Charlie, in the coffin. He died to save so many people. A tear slips down my face. Josh, worried, looks at me affectionately.

"Are you okay?" He asks.

"No." I say. I'm not okay. I am confused and scared. An unknown man told me secrets about my family that I didn't know, and everyone is keeping secrets from me. The way this is going, I wouldn't be surprised if Char decided she wasn't my friend anymore. "No, I'm not okay. I feel like everything is going wrong. I think I just want to leave."

"What about Christmas?" Char asks.

"Whatever. We can exchange presents at school."

"What about me?" Char asks.

"What about you?" I say, oblivious to the fact that Char is hurting, and doesn't want to go home.

"My parents, James. God, you are so self centered. I can't believe you wouldn't even care about my life, all you ever care about is your own life. What about everybody else?" Char says. This burst is even worse than the one when we first got here. Tears are streaming down Char's face, and she turns to face me. She wipes her eyes. "You know what? Fine, go. But only if James can spend the rest of the break at school. He can hang out with Josh. David isn't there." Char looks at Josh, and he nods.

"Sure." He says. "I'll text David and see."