Paper Planes

1.

(Nathaniel)

After sitting on my couch, watching a movie with her for what felt like hours, I  finally made a decision.
"I've got to show you something.", I said.

She turned her head and looked at me with a slightly surprised expression. Shit. This was going to be hard. I was going to say something, but I didn't know what.
I rolled up the sleeve of my hoodie, revealing the perfectly lined up scars.

To my surprise, she didn't shout "Oh my god!", she didn't ask "Why would you do that?" or something like that. She just looked at my arm and then at me, her eyes filled with sadness and pain. This wasn't the reaction I had expected. This was much better. Respectful.

"Oh...I'm... I'm so sorry for you, Nathaniel ...", she mumbled as she looked back at my arm.
She took it and brushed her cold fingers across the dark lines on my skin.
"You shouldn't be." I answered, but she just gave me another painful look.
I didn't want her to think I was telling her about this for sympathy. I was telling her about this because she was my friend.

"When did you... stop?" She looked me directly in the eyes.
"Two years ago." I said quietly. I tried to avoid eye contact.
"Wow." She simply said. Wow. Not like an unintersted wow. Not like an overly excited wow. Just a simple, appreciating wow.

She ran her fingers across the big, diagonal scar on my wrist. I didn't know if she knew what it meant.
She looked back up at me. To my surprise, her eyes were watering. Shit. She did know it. That really wasn't what I had intended.

"You tried to kill yourself", she whispered, her voice shaking. A single tear rolled down her cheek.
I looked at her and nodded.

She stroked my wrist. I felt sorry for her. She didn't deserve to be sad because of me. I tried to swallow the tears and the painful memories.

Suddenly she put her arms around me and hugged me really tight.
Oh, I thought. Noone had ever just randomly hugged me. Especially not like this. But I liked it, so I put my hands on her back. It felt very nice. Warm, and... like home. I closed my eyes.
I never knew hugs were so great, I thought to myself.
Was that normal? That feeling? No, said a voice in the back of my head. I ignored it.
We sat on the couch, hugging, for... a while? A few minutes? I don't know.

When she let go of me, there was an awkward silence.
"Thanks", I said even more awkwardly.
But she smiled. So it was okay.