Paper Planes

4.

(Nathaniel) 

We were driving down the street. It was raining outside and already dark. The day had been very nice though.

We had visited my grandmother. She lived a few hours from us and we didn't get to see her often.
Mom and Rose didn't come with us. Rose was still tiny and needed to be fed and looked after all the time.

We were having a really good time. Dad and Lauren were in the front seat, singing to the songs on the radio.

I looked out the window. A crossroad came up. From one of the side streets, a big truck came up. We were getting closer.
Suddenly a huge panic captured me. The truck driver looked down to his mobile phone. He didn't slow down. Our red light was green so he would have to stop.

Dad didn't slow down either. I wanted to yell. Warn him. I tried to scream but I could not. Fear took over me. I knew what was going to happen.

"DAD!", I yelled finally.
A second later i heard a incredibly loud crash.
I got thrown to the side in my seat. I lost my sight. I felt a burning pain on my left side and chest.

Then i heard the most blood curling, horrible scream. A girl was screaming in pain. My sister.
I wanted to help, get up, rescue her and my dad, but couldn't move.
I wanted to scream, opened my mouth, but all that came out was a mumbled "Dad... Lauren..."
I smelled smoke. Fire.
I managed to open my eyes, but I couldn't see clear. The pain in my side and chest got worse.

The last thing I heard were sirens and the whining of a girl, as well as rain pouring down.

Everything went black and I felt like falling down a hole.

I woke up, drenched in sweat, heavily breathing, my whole body shaking.
It was a dream. I sat up.
Before I could pull myself together, tears started rolling down my cheeks. I buried my face in my hands.
If I had warned my dad earlier, they'd still be alive. It was all my fault.
I killed them.
And now society expects me to live with that pain.
I often wish I had died in the accident too. Then I wouldn't have to deal with all this pain and the guilt.

I wiped my tears away. I cry almost every night.
2:07 am.
I took off the drenched t-shirt and put my hand on my chest. I touched the scar. It goes from my collar bone down across the left side of my chest. I started to cry again.

I looked over to my drawer. In the top drawer, under an old family photo, there are a few blades.
In moments like this, I often think about ending my life.

But not this time, I told myself. And swallowed the tears. This time I might have a reason to live. I opened the window above my bed and leaned out into the night.
I looked over to Liv's house. I could see the windows of her room from here. All lights were out.
I hoped she was sleeping peacefully. 

This time I might have a reason to live.