How to Sleep Together ✓

03| Hospital

D A I S Y 

I wasn't thinking of anything when it happened.

Except Wilde.

My mind swept back to the accident, to the unbearable pain to the room in light blue and white, shared with three others. I sat up, ignoring the throbbing in my head. I could hear snores from the bed in front of me, closed by a curtain. My room was filled with flowers and letters from other cheerleaders and few boys. 

I always looked at the flowers at the gifts someone left behind.

I easily recognised a bouquet of flowers that weren't there before. I moved in the bed, reaching hold to pull this bouquet closer. The wires moved with me, the needle a painful reminder of where I was. This was a set of white roses. 

It reminded me of Wilde.

With his white shirt as he'd sit a few pews in front of me in church. 

With his silly grin that looked like a saint.

With his christian girlfriend, Cecile.

I opened the card.

It felt like stones were thrown at me, hitting my skin and bruising it so it was filled with the royal purple. I threw the flowers on the stand, the sound of it hitting not enough to ease the pain from my mind. With my eyes closed, I could almost feel it, big and purple like a bruise. Why hadn't he visited me. Troy came. Why didn't he come too? 

He didn't even leave flowers.

I always thought we were more than just fuck buddies. I always believed him to be a friend. I always thought I could count on him, to just be there for me. I didn't want to be wrong. Maybe, when he did say it was the end. That was it. This was what would push us apart enough that my eyes felt watery and I wanted nothing more than Wilde, by my bedside. 

I liked to think that I didn't care that God left me without emotions because it made the angry glares girls shot my way, hurt a little less. It made boys ending things with me burn a little less painfully, if not at all. It made a way of dealing things far more easier.

But I always knew it was a big fucking lie. 

I knew it whenever a girl spoke badly of me, when they threw things at me, when they blamed me for anything, I felt so broken and hopeless. 

I felt the ache in my heart, so big and wide and endless like an ocean. The roar of it that felt like a call for something, or someone to come and fill it. That every time someone pushed their dick in, it felt like some part of me was filled even if it was briefly but they always pulled out and I'd feel it again, that emptiness. Because no one stayed except-

Wilde.

But he left too.

Even when the tears fell down my face and sobs shook my body all I felt was empty. The kind of emptiness that couldn't be filled because everyone I cared about left.