How to Sleep Together ✓

17| I can't do it.

W I L D E 

I was lucky that school ended,

and that I hit him after school,

and that coach hadn't arrived yet.

I was lucky. 

Because suspension wouldn't look good on my record. 

Because I could easily get kicked off the team. 

I didn't feel lucky. All I felt was the burning rage that consumed me. I wanted to blow it off with Cecile but I knew I couldn't. I was in a pattern of running back to Daisy. I always fell back to her. In this whole wide world, I've always felt the need to find her, go back to her and keep her safe.  

Troy told me everything after Kaden told us off for hitting the weasel. I didn't feel okay to play footy after and I drove back, but I didn't go home, driving by to Daisy's home. 

I stopped outside her house, eyes closing trying to find the strength to go away. I wouldn't move on if I kept coming back to her. Again and again, in this torturous cycle.

So why was it that every part of me ached to go back to her. To check on her. To see her. 

I turned off the engine, pushing the car door open and stepping outside, the cold air surrounding me me. I closed my eyes then let out a breathe before I walked to Daisy's house. I walked slowly, trying not to feel my heart beating painfully as I thought of Zayeer kissing her against her will in an empty carpark. 

I knocked the door, rang her doorbell and waited, part wanting to run away, to pretend I was never here but the larger part knowing I had to check on her, if not I wouldn't feel okay. I'd feel this anger, this sense of need. The door opened and I saw a brown haired girl there.

My mind blanked for a minute, eyes glancing at her dark brown hair. I took a step towards her, touching her brown locks. I could feel her stiffen, as my fingers touched the thick strands of hair. Then looking down at her, she looked remarkably young, fragile and I felt this need to keep her safe, safe from guys that spread rumours, that tried to take advantage of her. My arms wrapped around her.

She didn't return the hug and after a beat that passed between us, I pulled away, trying to smoothen my features to one of indifference but it didn't come and I said, "Troy told me, are you alright?"

She was frozen. Standing still and uncertain. Then she said, "He surely couldn't have forgotten to mention that part."

I laughed because it was so Daisy, so very like her. "I just wanted to make sure for myself."

"Come in?"

She opened the door a little wider, hesitant. I didn't falter, coming into her home, trying not to touch her hair, or her again. 

"Gran's made tea, I'll go get it, you can sit in the lounge."

I followed her to the kitchen, watching her move. "You dyed your hair brown," I commented, leaning on an empty wall in the kitchen.

"Mhm," She mumbled. I watched her, noting the way she bit her lip, harsh and as though suppressing her emotions. Something that she did often. Her movements lacked the playful banter, I'd grown used to, looking stiff and painful in it's place. 

I moved towards her, touching her hair again, noticing how she stiffened, almost involuntarily. "You're not okay," it came out in a whisper. I let go of her hair. She turned around, eyes damp. 

It took every bit of willpower in me not to hug her, to touch her because I know it'll do more harm than good. "Help me get the tea," She said waving her hand to the objects in the room before walking to the lounge.