How to Sleep Together ✓

04| Distress Signals

W I L D E

We were always warned about temptation. That Satan had many ways, methods. He knew where to hit where it hurts, he knew us far too well that temptation played a second nature to him. 

Maybe, I had the resolve, the strength to stay away from her when she was okay.

But when she looked broken, with her feet, feet I'd ticked and thrown across my shoulder, so broken. I found myself in Kaden's car, sitting shotgun, with Rekha, Tassia and Tallah squeezed in the back. Troy and Edward on Troy's bike. The girls were loud, chatty, a bouquet of flowers on Rekha's lap.

Kaden was quiet, a content smile playing on his face, mind clearly elsewhere as he drove, but the closer we went to the hospital, his smile vanished. 

A darker mood crept into the car as Kaden searched for parking, finally finding a spot to park in. I noticed the girls who were nothing short of loud and silly, so different from Daisy, fall silent. I was sure that Kaden and I weren't the only ones thinking of Daisy's accident. I've imagined it thousands of times. I'd seen cheerleading plays before. Daisy wasn't all that tall. I imagine two taller girls throwing her in the air then their fingers slipping on her skin as she fell down on the ground. I imagined a splinch of her ankle on the ground.

In my nightmares, I saw her falling and falling and I was either too far or weak to catch her. I'd wake up drenched in sweat and unable to breath. It felt so vivid and real. 

The hospital was over lit and glaring, the smell of hand sanitizer a painful reminder of my younger days when I used hand sanitizer as a lubricant to jack off. 

The hospital was quiet save for the sound of people walking, a bit of coughing here and there. It was quiet enough that I could hear the sound of my footsteps and the rapid movement of my heart as we made our way closer to where Daisy's room was. 

Daisy shared a room with four others, all curtains closed. I'm thankful for Kaden, who had visited her before. He seemed to know exactly where he was going and where she was. We didn't need to stop to ask someone where our friend was. Kaden wasn't the sort who got lost. He was always sure.

He stood outside her closed turquoise curtain and called in, "Daisy, is it okay if we come in?"

"Sure." She sounded like herself, confident, cool and every bit collected. My heart felt like a horse in a race, running and beating wildly. When Kaden pulled the curtains open, to let us move in. 

My mind was stunned, because she didn't look like herself.

Her black hair was messy, a little wavier than it's usual straight look. Her skin was paler, much paler. Pale enough I could see the veins in her skin. Her eyes looked emptier, lashes shorter and lips drier.

Her lips which often spoke of temptation and danger weren't red, but they seemed sweeter in pink. She looked gentler, a shadow of her former self. It didn't stop my heart from racing almost painfully in my chest.

Daisy's eyes fell on mine as mine did on hers. I couldn't breathe.

My heart stopped.

But the spell was broken as the three girls pushed past me, capturing Daisy's attention as they showered her with flowers and conversation. I found I could breathe again. I took several steps, silent as I stared at Daisy, with her pale skin, her wavier hair and her leg on a string hanging slightly above the bed. 

She sounded alright as she conversed with the girls, her eyes barely paying me any heed. She didn't seem like she cared at all, if I came or if I didn't.