silent days,, bokuaka [rewriting]

[chapter one] prologue

They say it's women who calls the shots. 

Reclined in his seat, Akaashi tilts his head back to watch the unmoving ceiling fan mounted on the off-white ceiling. Beads of sweat trickle down his jaw as he lets out a spiritless sigh.

"...fuck" he mutters under his breath. He feels his skin crawl as a stab of recollection hits his memories. 

"Next week. You'll start next week." his mother's voice echoes in his head as he continues to observe the ceiling fan slowly rotating until it finally reaches a state of equilibrium.

"I need- we need that scholarship Keiji. I beg you." 

Never had Akaashi once thought about the possibility of this occurring . But this boy sure knew that once he stepped out of the room--he regretted every single thing he nodded to. He raised his palms to his cheeks, fatigue weighing his eyelids down as he lets out another grunt in dismay. 

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. 

Fukurodani High. The top school nation-wide. It's no surprise to Akaashi, seeing as he grew up in a single-parent family with a mother who expects solid A's from her son; her only glimmer of hope.

"I'm sending you to Fukurodani no matter what."  He's heard his mother say this countless of times since he was birthed into this damned world. 

Akaashi is perhaps the only one in this whole universe who would nod to every single decision his mother makes. It's not as if he had another choice-- for all he knew, his mother would not go back on her words. Once she makes a verdict, it's set in stone.

Even if it meant for him to cross-dress.

"What?" Akaashi remembers abruptly springing up from his seat, his fork clatters as it hits the wooden flooring. He gave his mother an empty yet a look of absolute disbelief. 

"The males' dorms are full.. I-" his mom started, her sweaty cold palms hovering above Akaashi's clenched ones. She hesitates, scanning her son's face in hopes that he'd come back to his senses. "Keiji." His mom utters, taking a deep breath as she pulls back her hand and shifts her chair forward, regaining her posture. "Please." 

Akaashi's gaze softens as he locks his eyes on his mom. Looking at her so hopeless and forlorn-- he couldn't help it. He shifts his gaze downwards, exhaling once more as he sits himself down. 

His mom interlocks her fingers, the tip of her nose barely touching them as she pushes the weight of her body onto the table. 

"I lost my job." she croaks out, voice stuck in her throat. 

She fails to look at her own son. 

"I'm so-" 

"It's fine. I'll go. I'll find a part-time job while I'm there as well." Akaashi interrupts, leaving the dining table almost immediately. He didn't even know what to describe his own emotions with right then. His mind was in a flurry, lump in his throat, chest heaving up and down-- yet he was unsure of his own feelings. 

He races up the stairs to his room, and collapses on his bed. Arm over his eyes, he lets his sweater absorb his tears. 

I've given up. He surrenders. 

Akaashi Keiji, 17. Male, 182 cm tall. This man resigned himself to his fate on the 9th of January, 2017. 

He knew that the year was going to be horrible. 

As fuck.