My Own Worst Enemy

chapter twenty-five

- 3am currently, may be shory and shitty, coffee effects are wearing off and I'm about to drop, sorry -

Vanessa's point of view

"Mommy!" Dakota yelled and I kissed her cheek. "Look what I can do." She said and I nodded.

She sucked her cheeks in and puckered her lips, crossing her eyes as she did so. I laughed and set her down. "I'm a fish mama!" She said and I nodded.

"You looked just like one." I said and a boy came running up to Dakota. He waved at me and I smiled. "Hey there."

"I forgot to give these to you." He said and gave Dakota back a couple of markers. "Bye Kota! See you tomorrow!"

"Bye Jr!" She said and he ran off to his parents, who also gave me a smile. I nodded at them and stood up straight. I grabbed her hand and led her to the car since Eli and Calum were in there already.

"What the hell and who the hell?" Calum asked as I hit his arm. I buckled Dakota up armnd then sat in the passenger seat. "Who was that? What was that? I thought I said no boys Dakota!"

"Daddy he's really nice." Dakota said and he shook his head. "Why not?" She whined as she crossed her arms.

"Cause, daddy said no boys. The only boys you need in your life are Eli and I. No one else."

"Calum, come on." I said and rolled my eyes. "Jr. can come over anytime Dakota, I'll talk to his parents. Calum's just upset."

"Yeah I am! She's six!"

"Exactly, come on, stop it. Boys and girls can be friends. They're children, what are they gonna do?" I asked and laughed a bit. "Oh my god, Calum, we walked in on them hugging." I said and he rolled his eyes.

"Eli, how was school baby?" I asked as Calum held my hand, using the other to control the steering wheel.

"Great! I drew a picture!" He said and I heard rustling, probably him going through his bag.

"Show it to us when we get home, we can't look right now bub." Calum said and I nodded as I took a drink of my coffee. "Mama has to go to the doctors though, so she's gonna come home later."

"Are you sick?" Dakota and Eli asked and I hit Calum because he told them. "Why don't you just take medicine?"

"I don't know what kind of medicine I need babygirl, I'm gonna go see what's wrong." I said cause I had a meeting with a psychiatrist in ten minutes. I also had a photoshoot with Keath, but that wasn't until after.

Calum literally nearly fought both my boss and the photographer because they refused to move the time. In the end they ended up changing it, but I know they weren't happy about it and I was going to hear about it all throughout the shoot.

"You don't know what's wrong?" Eli asked and I shook my head. "How come?"

"Don't know baby, I'm going to go see." I said and Calum glanced at me.

"Are you sure you're not knocked u-"

"Shut up, the kids are in the back." I hissed and Calum glanced at me. "I don't know baby, I think I'm just really anxious, stressed, and sad."

"Why are you sad?" Dakota asked me and I sighed. "Is it our fault?"

"No! No not at all, I promise." I said and looked in the rearview mirror at her. "It's not you guys, I love you all so much. You guys make me happy, if anything."

Calum turned the radio on to escape the awkward silence and he gave me a cheeky smile as my own song played. "Calum no." I said but he stopped me before I can change it.

"Mama's on the radio!" Calum yelled and I rolled my eyes as I huffed, crossing my legs a bit as I fixed my snapback. "Uncle Cisco, Keath, and aunty Andy too!"

The kids screamed and I winced a bit, growing more and more irritated the longer they screamed and the longer I heard my own voice. I was grateful that my own song was being played, but it wasn't necessarily the song I liked. In fact, I've heard it so much, it's not even a surprise. It is slightly irritating.

I tapped my finger against my knee, Calum's eyes too busy on the road to notice my extreme discomfort with the situation at hand. I clenched my jaw a bit, taking a deep breath as I reached into my purse.

I grabbed a pack of gum and popped a couple of strips in my mouth. I wanted you smoke, but I couldn't, so I guess this was my best bet at not causing a scene in my own car.

When Calum finally glanced as me, he turned the radio down and nudged me. "You alright?" He asked snd I shook my head. "I'm sorry baby." He said and I sighed.

"No its fine. I should learn to take a joke. I'm a bit too uptight." I said and he gave me a quick kiss since we hit a stop sign.

The kids squealed in disgust and I laughed. "That's what you're gonna be doing with Jr. Dakota." I teased and she screamed with Calum.

"Like hell she will, I'll cut all three of you. No one is touching my babygirl." He said and I laughed as I leaned back. "No one."

"I was kidding." I said and he rolled his eyes as he parked the car. "I'll have Keath drop me off, it's alright."

"You sure baby?" He asked and I nodded. "Alright, tell me how it goes okay? I'm trusting that you'll tell me the truth."

"Of course I will." I said and he nodded as I unbuckled my seatbelt. "Bye guys." I said and gave a small wave.

"Bye mama!" The kids shouted and Calum just gave me a reassuring smile as I closed the car door, already having stepped out.

"Call me if something happens." He said and I nodded as he began to drive away. I looked up at the building and took a deep breath before walking in.

-

"What did she say?" Keath asked as I pretended to laugh, holding a beach ball and resuming a position that made it look as if we were having fun on a beach.

"Told me I may have depression and bipolar disorder. It's a said possibility. She told me if symptoms keep occuring, to see her and talk to a doctor about prescription and stuff that's right for me." I said and set the ball down when I finished. "My mum had manic depression... I'm afraid Keath."

"It'll be alright." He said and he handed me his thin flannel, an arm around me as we posed to make it seem as if we were having some silly conversation no one else could hear.

"What if this gets into the band Keath? What if I'm so bothered by this that I can't perform? Oh my god, what if my kids get this from me?" I panicked and he shook his head as the photographer yelled that we had a quick break.

"It's gonna be okay. Chill." He told me and I nodded. "You're like my sister, you know I'd rather you put your health before the band. If you need, see a therapist instead of going to an interview, it's okay."

"Maybe. I'll talk to Michael, he's gone through this." I said and he nodded. "I'm just worried. I don't want this to change anything. It was going perfectly. We were gonna tour, Calum and I were finally gonna get married, and Calum was gonna join his band again. It was perfect."

"Nothing can be perfect." He told me and I shrugged. "Now go change into your next swimsuit. We gotta get this rolling so we can go back to yours and talk about this. We'll invite Miranda and we'll have a nice long chat about this."

"Andy and Cisco aren't on speaking terms. They're still arguing." I said and he shrugged.

"I don't fucking care, this is your mental health Vanessa. They are going to be there and they are going to support you, even if they despise one another and even if I have to bribe them." He said and I smiled.

"Thanks Keath." I said and he shrugged. "You're the best."

"I try." He said and gave me a hug. "Now go change, enough chit chat."

"Okay okay, yes sir." I joked and he winked at me playfully. I laughed lightly and went to grab my next outfit.