Little feet~Phan

Week One

Just a week ago I had lost my virginity to my best friend, a man I thought I could never have feelings for. Phil and I weren't together, not even remotely close. Phil and I were just two close friends who got a little too intoxicated and had unprotected sex.

Was I worried? Sure. What was I worried about? That I couldn't tell you. It's not that I was worried about STIs because I knew Phil didn't have any. It was that I was worried about Phil not having feelings for me. We were both drunk, anything could have happened.

Phil and I hadn't spoken since we woke up naked next to each other the morning after it had happened. Phil tried to talk to me once or twice but I would make up excuses, saying I needed to go do something, even faking calls to get out of talking about what had happened.

It's not that I didn't enjoy having sex with Phil, it's just I wish it had happened under better circumstances, and was planned. But I couldn't stay away from Phil much longer. We had to film the next Phil is not on fire video. The tension would be terrible but we had to film it.

I know what you're thinking, Dan, you're 24 years old, how and why are you still a virgin? Let's just say I have anxiety issues that I don't want to divulge.

I sat up from my browsing position, deciding I should finally talk to Phil after a week of excuses. I sat my laptop down next to me on the empty couch and stood up, popping my back once I was upright. "H-Hey Phil?" I yelled from the lounge. When I got no response, I decided to search for him.

"Phil?" I checked in his room, in the kitchen, the gaming room, even the bathroom which was risky. Phil was no where to be found. Not that I'm surprised. I shot him a quick text saying I wanted to talk then retired to my bedroom. The dark atmosphere greeted me like a warm hug and I collapsed onto the mattress, letting out a sigh of relief.

I had hardly slept during the week of awkwardness between Phil and I and it was obviously showing due to the bags under my eyes and my skin becoming slightly paler than normal. I decided to blame it on the approaching winter.

Once I had closed my eyes, my phone dinged and I grabbed it quickly seeing it was only Louise. "Hey Dan. Can I come over? I'd like to chat and catch up." I couldn't help but smile. I'd last seen Louise at the party we had all gone to at Casper and Joe's house.

Of course Joe supplied the alcohol and Casper the food. We all sat around their lounge playing video games and eating pizza, drinking occasionally but the real drinking didn't start until Alfie insisted on us all dancing.

Long story short, Phil and I were too drunk to get back on the tube so we called a taxi. Once we arrived home that's when everything went down and I lost my virginity. Phil seemed to be quite experienced which was slightly frightening but being in my drunken state I didn't think much of it.

"Yeah. Come on over, door's unlocked." I replied to her. I laid back on my bed, replaying the events of that night over and over in my head. Nothing bad really came out of that night other than a permanent state of awkwardness between Phil and I.

There was something between us two years ago but it soon fizzled out when Phil said he wasn't gay and got a girlfriend whom he's been with for almost a year and a half now. Her name is Amanda and Phil loves her very much and I respect their choice, but it still hurts.

After a long 20 minutes there was a knock on my door frame and I looked up to see Louise with a big smile on her face and some pizza in her free hand. "Pizza and a chat?" She shrugged looking at the box which no doubt contained my favorite kind.

I smiled slightly and nodded, patting the bed next to me as I flopped back. She sat the pizza on my desk and laid next to me. "So how's life Danny boy?" She said and I groaned. "Why do you always call me that Lou?" I giggled and sighed. "Because I like to irritate you. It's my job as your female best friend to irritate the living shit out of you." She patted my head.

"Hey Lou? Can I talk to you about something?" I said starting to feel a bit nervous. Louise didn't know anything had gone on between Phil and I, not two years ago and definitely not last week. "Sure hon. Anything. What's on your mind bub?"

I let out a shaky sigh. "Phil and I h-had sex.." I said waiting for the gasp or the 'can't believe you!' to come from her but all I got was arms wrapped around me and her head resting on my chest. "Oh hon. I can tell you're upset but why? I thought you liked Phil." I sighed and hugged her back.

"I do well sort of but I don't want to hurt Amanda. They were made for each other and I can see how Phil looks at her. Match made in heaven I guess. I don't stand a chance against her." I didn't realize I was crying until Louise wiped the tears off my face. She pulled me up into a sitting position and put her hands on my shoulders, forcing me to look at her.

"Dan. You needn't worry my chum. I think if you tell Phil how you feel he'll understand. Don't be so hard on yourself. So what if he wants to be with Amanda? Move on and get yourself a woman, or a man I don't judge." I nodded. "You're right. I'll tell him when he gets home. Can you stay until then?" I asked shyly glancing over at the pizza boxes.

"I was planning on it. I got a lot of pizza there and I need someone to help me finish it." She giggled and elbowed my side playfully. "Then gimme gimme." I chuckled. I grabbed he boxes and sat back down next to Louise.

We at our pizzas in a comfortable silence for the most part, except for when Louise would make a fart joke, causing me to almost choke on my food and groan at how bad but good the joke was. Hours later Phil came back.

"Do you want me to stay or should I leave you two?" She asked as she heard Phil walking around. "I think you better stay, in case things go south." She nodded and urged me to get up and talk to him. I left my room after some persuasion and walked around looking for Phil.

I found him in the lounge, Amanda curled up next to him. What a surprise. "H-Hey Phil can I talk to you for a second?" I asked, tapping my fingers on my arms that were crossed. "Uh sure. Be right back babe." He pressed a kiss to her forehead and she smiled at him then and me, I smiled back.

"What's up?" He asked once we were in his room. I knew Louise could hear through the thin walls which was kind of comforting. "We need to talk about last week." Phil played dumb. "What about last week?" He crossed his arms, acting puzzled. "Wh-When we had sex..." I trailed off.

"Oh that. Yeah I don't want to talk about that." He started to head for the door. "Why not?" I asked rather loudly. "Because it was a mistake and meant nothing so let's both just forget about it and move on okay? Okay." He answered for me and returned to his girlfriend's side.

I felt tears well up in my eyes. I nodded a few times before fully registering what had happened. I needed to go for a walk. "Lou?" I said, my voice shaking as I entered the room, immediately met with a hug. "Let's get out of here, you're staying at my place tonight. Besides, Darcy misses you." I smiled slightly, trying to brush off what Phil had said.