Blessing
Being alone while the kids were with there father always left me in my thoughts asking myself what did I do wrong?
Questioning why I was being punished and the one suffering when everyone else around me seemed to be so happy... Life was far from fair but I always had good intentions for every step I took in the world but no matter what I always ended up with the bad end of the stick.
I liked being left alone because I wasn't much of a people person but I also liked being around people because I could put my focus elsewhere and it was easy to brush my feelings aside.
I've always felt like this through out my whole life like I didn't get enough recognition for the good I did in people's life.
All the loving I've been giving goes unnoticed it's just floating in the air...
Tears stained my face as I took deep breaths rubbing my round belly in distraught.
Depressed was an understatement but was something no one knew I was going through. I was trying to keep my problems to myself.
Out of the two kids I already had and all the other children my sisters have gave birth to I have never considered any to be a mistake but the baby I was holding now.
I knew it was a boy I just knew it from a mothers intuition. A beautiful baby boy I was blessed to be even carrying kids because a lot of women with cancer would never be able to have a baby of there own and here I was about to have my 3rd.
I take that back my baby wasn't a mistake he could never be that... I guess what I meant to say was the timing was the mistake and I regretted how things would be when he is brought in to this world.
I'll have to explain to him that his father got me pregnant while he was engaged with his soon to be step mother.
I would have to explain to all my kids why there mommy and daddy aren't together.
I wouldn't allow myself to do it anymore I can't keep letting Rakim step all over my heart and have me believing all these things just to go home and climb in bed with the women he's engaged to.
I was tired of crying but my pregnancy hormones always got the best of me putting me into a deeper depression.
I thought at the age of 28 I would at least be married by now but I guess God had a different plan for me.
Wiping my face dry I could hear a small knock on the front door causing me to break my focus off my aching heart.
Placing my glasses on my face I used my hand to push myself up from the couch sliding my Rihanna puma slides on.
The little knock's grew louder and more rapid as I got closer so I yelled to them I was coming before opening up the door to be met by an angry Junior.
"Mommy!" His angry face pouted up as he pushed passed me angrily tossing his backpack on the ground.
Walking slowly behind him was a confused Robyn as she sucked on her pacifier slowly stepping in the house.
Not long after the duo came Rakim holding there things.
"It's only Friday night I dropped you guys off a few hours ago and you're already back?"
