The snow flurries around me. I shiver as the lit end of my cigarette comes into my vision. I inhale sharply and watch as the smoke flows from my month along with my cold breath. I pull my thin hoodie around my body as the cold wind howls . I look up at the dark sky, after supper I went for a walk. Down the dark path that's behind my house ,Say something by a great big world plays softly through my earphones. I listen as the music swells into a crescendo, and then fades. I take another drag from my cigarette and flick it into a snow bank. I walk farther down the exposed, frozen gravel and sit on the bench at the end of the path. I let my mind wonder as the snow falls around me. A flash of red hair crosses my mind. Faded green eyes. And then a tall and fit body, his pale smooth skin flashes on my mind again. I let my mind wonder through my memories of him. I feel a phantom touch, remembering how jake used to graze my arm with is large hand . Then I let the full memory fill all of my senses. I'm no longer in the cold Canadian winter. I'm in his warm room. Sitting on his bed on his soft dark sheets. He's sitting behind me, I feel him wrap around me. And I shift, I feel his head fall into my lap. I hum lightly to the song playing in the background as I play with is hair . I run my fingers through the loose curls, his deep voice suddenly fills the room , " amber?"
"Yes?" I reply as I look down at him . He doesn't say anything, he pulls my head down to kiss me lightly. He sits up and slowly lays us down across his bed.
I'm all of a sudden back to my winter wonderland. I'm hugging my knees to my chest. I feel hot tears run down my face . I wipe them away and take my pack of cigarettes out. The harsh smoke is welcome as I feel it fill my lungs . The last thing he said to me fills my mind once more. The harsh words coming out of his mouth as if they were poison. The two words that stayed me. Useless, unlovable.
