I stiffen as my brain processes what's happening. It feels like a dream as I look at Jake, his pale skin is flushed and the collar of his open vest is tucked against his neck . My eye catches the outer edge of a deep purple hickey on his neck , my eyes refocus on him again. I refuse to look him in the eye as he shifts uncomfortably from one foot to the other, " I.... I umm, came because Joanne messaged me. She said you weren't answering your phone and you didn't show up at home last night". Jake's deep voice sends a shiver down my spine, " why would you care ?". My eyes are
Judgemental as they make contact with his, which are deep with worry and thought . " because, I don't appreciate your friends messaging me nonstop!". I scoff at him and rip my earbud out as the beat of some chili peppers song starts, I turn away from him. The snow crunches as he moves slightly toward me. A hot tear drops from my eye as I feel his large hand hover over my shoulder. I hesitate, move away from him , and let the tears fall freely . I'm still facing away from him looking out over the frozen lake, I steady my voice as I start to speak." Jake-". My eyes close as I say his name and a shiver runs down my spine as he replies, his voice low and raspy. " yes". My train of thought derails and I forget what I was going to say . Suddenly his arms are around me, he hugs close as his arms tighten. I stiffen for a second, then relax and start to sob. " No- no Jake", I pull away. My eyes meet his, shiny and hurt in them. " you-you hurt me Jake, I lo- I can't forgive you". His head turns toward me as I catch myself on the word I was about to slip.
"say it" jakes voice was strained, like he didn't want to say it but knew he had to. "no", he walks closer to me and pushes me against the picnic table. His arms trap me between him and the table, "say it am, we both know you want to- that you need to". I lean away from him, my heart sinks as I realize what he said was true but I can't bring myself to utter the word, the word I use to say to him so freely and genuinely. My hand finds it's way to Jake's chest, the palm pressed firmly against the thin tee shirt . I can feel the familiar and comforting warmth, he inhales through his nose no doubt smelling my perfume. " I've always loved how warm you were, you were always so warm" I whisper shakily. " That's one of the many things I loved about you, the other was your promise to me that you'd never cheat, or hurt me-" I look up at him " you broke your promise Jake, you were my everything." He drops his arms, they fall to rest on the table behind us . " you were my everything, until you tore yourself out of my world and took half of me with you . You effectively destroyed me Jake . You broke me" I stop and reach for his face, my hands meet his cheeks, " and the worst part is, I still love you, after all you have done to me , I still love you ." His eyes raise up to meet mine again, they've deepened again. I fiddle with the zipper of his vest so I don't have to focus on him. He grabs my arms and swings us around. He sits down on the bench of the table and sets me gently in his lap. His hand comes up to the nape of my neck and pushes my head towards his chest. " I'm sorry".
