Random Things

Mental Illness

She screamed out in pain, yet no one heard her. She cried out for someone to help her; no one came to her rescue. She called out in tears for him, but he didn't notice her.
She blinked and was brought back to the world. A tear slid down her cheek, and she quickly wiped it away. He turned back to hand her a paper, and he smiled up at her. She smiled slightly taking the paper. She set it down then stared at her desk.
She admired all the doodles as she traced some with her finger. She grabbed her pencil and started to sketch something onto the surface. The sound of the graphite rubbing against the desk soothed her.
An eye, then another; along came a mouth. She stared at what she had drawn.
Eyes that I can't even look through without crying, she thought. And a mouth I can't use to call for help.
She sketched above the eyes, drawing a brain.
The one thing I can't seem to use without the lugubrious thoughts seeping in.
She took the pencil and scratched the graphite over the drawings. Xs on everything she drew. Some people started to look over at her.
Oh god. Act natural. Just act like your fine. Smile and wave, she thought.
The people continued to pay attention to the teacher. Her mind was set on her breathing to calm herself down.
It's okay. It's just people looking over at me... But what if they're judging me, oh God no.. Okay just stop thinking about it.
Her mind was all over the place. She started to hyperventilate and shake. No one noticed. She started to sob; no one looked to see if she was fine.
"Hey, you okay?" he was turned towards her.
She nodded her head and put on a fake smile.
"Why bother to lie?" He sighed, "I know your real smile."
She looked down at her hands in her lap. With a slight sob, she looked up at him. He got up from his desk and bent down at her side. She turned towards him; he pulled her hands into his. She sobbed even harder.
Rubbing circles into the back of her hand, he whispered, "You don't have to face this alone."
She sighed, "You don't know what this is like. No one can feel what I feel."
She ripped her hands from his and pulled them towards her soaked cheeks. Wiping the tears away, she buried her face into the sleeves of her sweater.
"Why are you even wearing a sweater? It's the middle of August."
She let out a light laugh.
"You don't get it!" she cried. "You don't know what it's like to have scars all over you. You don't know what it's like to go around everyday thinking everyone is staring at you and judging you. You don't know what it's like to feel so disgusted with your body. You don't know what it's like!"
Fingers snapped in front of her eyes, causing her to come back to reality. Her eyes fluttered from her desk. She adjusted to look up to her teacher.