The Kids are Fine | Kellic (boyxboy)

CHAPTER ONE | We're all assholes

KELLIN'S P.O.V

Tonight.

I'll do it tonight.

It'll be easy.

Quick.

Painless... for the most part.

I don't know why, but I didn't really feel bad about it. Even as all my friends around me laughed and smiled, saying they'd see me at school tomorrow, in class, at practice, at Sam's party on Friday... I didn't feel bad. They wouldn't see me. Not in class, not at practice, not at the party on Friday, not tomorrow, not ever again.

I laugh at how dramatic it sounds in my head. It's weird, usually when i come up with something so dramatic, its not nearly as bad as I'm visualizing it. This time, it is. It actually is.

"See you tomorrow, man." Jordan nudged my side with his elbow as he walked passed me, getting into his car. I smiled and waved as he drove away with a couple of people piled in the backseat. Mostly people I was associated with. People in my circle of friends. The pretty people. The people everyone knew, and knew to stay clear of. The people who knew nothing about me despite spending 3 full years of high school around 24/7, and now, half of my senior year, wasted glued to their sides. It's okay. I don't know much about them either. Nothing personal, i mean.

I know more about Jordan than I do Sam, Taylor, or Alyssa. I know he likes to play with people's feelings, a lot. Especially all the girls he gets with. He does anything, says anything, until he gets what he wants, he uses them, then cuts them loose. I don't know how he does it so easily and without catching feelings. There are some good, decent, beautiful girls that he has ruined without feeling anything; girls Im sure I probably would have fallen for, easily. But he just shrugs them off, and they break, and he's fine. He's a good actor. He's good at pretending he cares about all of them. Really good. He fools everyone.

I know Taylor like to take out (what i only assume to be) his childhood aggressions on people who have nothing to do with him or his problems. He really likes using human beings as punching bags instead of using his words. Well, I take that back. He does use his words; while he doesn't have the most extensive vocabulary, he uses his words plenty, but never for good. And oh god, Taylor is a cliche if I've ever seen one.

I know that Alyssa is smart, but she doesn't know it. I know that she's using every bit of popularity she gets to her advantage, because what she does know, is that this is as good as it's gonna get for her. Guys use her, rumors get spread, people talk, and she lets them. As long as it means that she's being seen. As long as people know who she is, and are scared. It doesn't matter what people are talking about as long as it's about her. That's what she wants and thats what she's getting. She knows that after high school, that's it for her. I know that she doesn't have a plan. The only thing certain in her future, is a vodka soaked prom queen sash. Even she knows that.

I know that Sam's family is rich like my family, I know that his parents don't pay attention to him. I know that he only likes being at school, or at parties because at least his existence is being acknowledged. I know football is the only thing he's got going for him if he wants to get into a decent college. I know that he only joins in the name calling, or the bullying when Jordan or Taylor or some other jock are around. It makes me wonder who he really is when he's alone. He only does what people expect of him, but only when they're looking. This makes him an asshole.

But it's okay. This would make me an asshole too. I guess that's the only thing we have in common. All of us. We're all assholes.

That's why I'm doing this, I guess. I'm done pretending. I don't want to be this person anymore, but I don't know how to go back to my normal, happy self. I can't remember what I used to be like, how I used to think, the way I used to handle situations. I can't remember. I feel like i'm broken. And not in the fucking over-dramatic sad kind of way. But in the way that, I've changed, and i will never, ever be able to go back. I can't be fixed. Broken. Useless.