Death's Exception

Chapter Six

I sit on my bed, trying to pull my thoughts together into something, anything, that I can comprehend. I feel every atom of my brain going to a different possibility, or opinion. With both hands I pull my hair back, away from my face. I haven't stopped thinking about anything other than those dreams, my mind shifting between the nightmare and the oh, so beautiful dream.

My painting has almost become haunting. To the point that I would tear it off the wall if I could. It is made of all of the beauties I could not have. It is everything I desire, and everything that I cannot have.

Most days I can't tell the difference between the things I desire and cannot have.

They are one.

I stand, staring at the door. Why shouldn't I go outside? Why shouldn't I fulfill one of my greatest desires, and that is to see what is going on in the world that revolves around not me? My hand comes through my hair, but my hair falls back into my face. I stalk to the door, terrifyed of what and who I am defying by walking to this door. I reach out to turn the door knob, but jump back as soon as I realize the door is being opened to me.

"What are you doing?" Lilly peeps her head through the door with a puzzled look. I fiddle with my hands, suddenly ashamed of my audacity.

"I just want to see the outside world." I mumble. Lilly's face screws up into a look of sympathy with stabs me in the heart harder than the fact that I will not see the sky today. She enters the door fully, and sets down a tray of food on my bed. Beef stew. I eye it, and look back at her, almost asking for permissionto begin. She smiles.

"Go ahead." I dig into the food. I have learned to suppress my hunger, but in all honesty, I need more than what they are giving me. I need to feel satisfied. I scoop the stew into my mouth, always keeping Lilly in sight. I do not know if I trust her, yet. I want to believe that she isn't another of the cold calculating scientists, who believe that everything is morally right for the benefit of science. I want to believe that she understands me. That I am not just one of her lab rats to poke and prod. That she believes that I am more, and I am human.

But that cannot be guaranteed.

As I finish my food, I curl into one of my blankets, and stare at Lilly. Trying to analyze her as it is her job to do so to me. She looks up from her tablet, and smiles inquisitively.

"What?" She laughs.

"I am trying to figure you out."

"Yeah? How so?" She lays her tablet in her lap, and tilts her head so that her purple dreads fall to her right shoulder.

"You don't seem like the rest. Everyone here has been so- calculating. You actually seem to feel things." Her nose scrunches at she smiles.

"Yeah. I am new, here. Everyone else has been at least in the science building for about five to six years. I was a special case." I sit up, but keep the rough pink blanket around my shoulders.

"Explain?"

"I am supposed to be asking the questions here."

"It's about time I get some answers." I snap. She just finds it amusing.

"Well, I am only sixteen. My older brother recommended me, actually. He is the assitant scientist in the CSI department. I just happened to please Dr. Finley with my insight and brains, I guess. I can talk to people. Relate to them. He wanted me to take the job for this purpose- making the patient feel welcome."

"Uh... Titus is your brother?" I swallow hard, trying not to blush.

"Oh, yeah. I suppose you've met him. Yeah, he is my big brother." I look down at my feet, studying every thing that could get my mind off of Titus.